EmmHedge's Domain

Guess Who's Back?!

2011-08-12T00:04:00.001+08:00

Im back! Bigger and better. Okay not really but yeah! Im back. It has been months or perhaps years since my last post and I feel that blogging is the only way for me to keep track of my memories and experiences. Partly because I have STM but the main reason is for me to reflect on life as it is and to ensure that in many months to come, I can look back and enjoy the stupidity of the past ME.

So, here's an update on my life. I am days away from my 21st birthday but i have absolutely no plans on how to celebrate it. I initially had alot of plans on what to do but my plans got toned down with respect to the Ramadan month. To add on to that, Kenny is away from town for the whole of the month, leaving me to celebrate my birthday by myself. Sigh.

Anyway, I'm serving my NS now with SPF. To be honest, I am kind of enjoying myself and as it brings out the community spirit in me. No matter how small my effort may be, it goes a long way in making the society safe and secured. Okay basically I can’t say much about work because its OSA.

Im posted to Pasir Ris and I feel that it is a great advantage to me as I know the grounds well. I basically know the demographics and geographic of the area and also the frequent places of hangouts amongst youths. Patrolling in Pasir Ris also reminds me of the great times that I had when I was younger. For instance, the vicinity of Pasir Ris Park is the place where I go though my Leadership Camp when I was in P5 and P6, won the CTY Gavin Ang Challenge in P6, trained for my orienteering competition in my sec 2, run for cross country in my secondary school days and not to mention all the BBQs and picnics that I had!

At times, when I patrol along Elias area, I would think of the memorable times that I spent in McDonalds. McDonalds is one of the reasons to my success and I am very thankful to all the people who had groomed me to who I am now. Not to mention all the supportive crews and managers that I have ever worked with throughout my 5 years there. Despite the fact that I am no longer working at McDonalds, I do visit the new restaurant every now and then as I miss the people there a lot!

My passion for service may have decreased, but the flame is still burning. SPF may not be the right place to portray good customer service or perhaps be overly polite, but I am just born this way baby! Hahahah!

Moving on, I am now living with my grandparents over at Sengkang and despite the occasional friction, I am thankful that I at least do have a house to take shelter in. I just have to endure my annoying uncle for the next few years before he moves out to his new house.

Okay enough about myself already. May tomorrow bring greater stories to be shared.

CHEERS!

EmmHedge2608!

MOVE!

2009-03-08T03:00:00.000+08:00

I've shifted.

So dont bother looking at this link anymore.

I am physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted.

2009-03-03T00:32:00.003+08:00

I was pushed to the limits.
I amtired. I am weak.
I am not in the mood for anything.
and now, I am physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted.
~
Happy Birthday Sweets!
Im very sorry that i cant spend your birthday with you.
To tell you the truth,
i planned alot for it.
But I am too physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted.
Therefore, i decided to drop it.
And also, we've gone our separate ways.
So theres no point.
~
Something is holding us back.
No. Let me take that back;
Something is holding YOU back.
It gets soo frustrating.
I try and try and try.
But its fruitless.
And i dont know why but my patience is wearing thin.
Maybe because i am too physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted.
~
There's more to write about.
But I am too physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted.
So i will end it here.
~
As an ending note:
To those of you who is keeping things from me.
Just shove it in my face. I will take it no matter how hard and cold it is.
If you dont. And if im ever going to find out that you are keeping it from me,
You will see the worst in me.
~
On the brighter side, here's a very meaningful quote:
"The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is to love and be loved in return.”
-Moulin Rouge

The intrusion of a bitch!

2009-02-21T00:53:00.004+08:00

^My Family^

~~~

It wasn't as happy ever since she stepped in.

Bitches like her are meant to be slaughtered.

She is a motherfucking piece of wasted skin and is a waste to the earth's natural resources!

History Repeating Itself

2009-02-17T19:37:00.013+08:00

Here it is,

in front of me

A Catastrophe!

But i can barely do anything

to savage my family.

I feel pathetic.

hopeless.

helpless.

I guess all i can do now,

is to prepare my siblings

and myself,

to face the future.

Brace ureself my loved ones!

The journey through life

will be another roller coaster ride.

I did it once.

And i succeeded.

But im not sure if this time round,

im able to pull it through.

Cos this, will be the last.

And therefore the most painful.

The 3rd Talak

So god help me;

give us the strength,

give us the endurance,

and give us the patience to pull this through

SUCCESSFULLY.

And

Dear Lord..

Thankfully,

I have a great army of friends

who fights with me through thick and thin,

and who are constantly encouraging me

and supporting me through life's dismay.

Do bless them with happiness and success

for they had always been there for me

through all the emotions in life.
And they deserve your blessings.

Amin.

My Loves <3>

Out of Radar

2009-02-14T11:42:00.006+08:00

I do hereby declare my temporary withdrawal from the world so as to prepare myself from the most horrible episode in a students life:

EXAMS!

At the mean time,

i want to be alone

i want to see the real truth.

And who knows..

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

So now,

you are free.

Do wad your heart desire!

Call me when you are really ready to try restarting the new chapter.

Happy Valentines!

2009-02-13T15:07:00.001+08:00

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES

<3<3<3

Right Now.

2009-02-11T23:35:00.002+08:00

To tell you the truth,
even though i am looking forward for the trip,
part of me dread it.
~~~

I feel so pissed right now.
Life is so unfair. Its filled with lies, manipulations and disappointments.
There's a billion and one things in my mind. But i am just too tired to even say it all out.
Also, i dont really know who to trust all the information with.
ARGH!

~~~

If only i have my gaurdian angel with me..

HAIRCUT!

2009-02-07T15:09:00.003+08:00

Hey everyone(the very very very very very small number of you who knows of this blog)!

WELCOME TO THE SHIFTED BLOG!

Ive been rather busy lately with projects and presentations and tests. So cant really blog much.

Honestly, i ve got a bzillion and one things to say. But cannot luh. Too open. ;p

Anyway.. last weeek, gf tedddddyyy, stef, reuben, kenny and i slept over at rhian's house.
Played Mahjong, watched soft-porn, and kenny was soo nice to cut my hair!

Just a little backgound info, i had a terrible haircut by my mum a few weeks ago and its freaking fugly can! So Kenny came to the rescue and make it look nice! :)

Hair before magic was done...

The Haircutting Processs..!

Final Product: A Hotter Looking Haziq!

WeeeeEEEEeeee!
Thanks Kenny! Love you loads!

Like really LOADS!

;)

Rhetorical

2009-02-07T14:52:00.003+08:00

I can do only so much.
Cos i have my limitations.
I can give you my life, my soul.
Cos you mean alot to me.

But then again..

Who am i to you?

Welcome to my Life!

2009-01-21T09:42:00.005+08:00

Hi Kenny.

Welcome to my Life!

You have managed to successfully remember the very easy clue that i gave you :)

I suggest that you read through my blog starting from the latest.
Through that, you can see the transformation of my life backwards.
Also, Concentrate more from the month of August to when we broke up.

I know its wordy. So its up to u if u want to read it or not.
But it will be great if you do.. Cos the meaning is all there :)

After reading through, i want you to think through everything.
And like wad u've said to me before..
Follow your heart. And you will be happy.

One thing i know for sure Kenny..
Is that ive lost you once.
And i hope i wont lose you again.

And after reading through everything.
From Jan 09 to April 08..
I want you to go to the post that i wrote especially for you
0n our 1st month, 26th March 2008.
That post, to me, has the biggest impact.
As it says it all..

With Loads of Love,
~EmmHedge

another random post of random thoughts.

2009-01-06T21:03:00.005+08:00

i know things are rather not right between us. and i admit to the blame.

i just dont know wads wrong with me. or maybe.. perhaps i do. but im confused.

i realised something about us that makes me shudder even thinking of it.

and somehow.. i dont see you the same way i used to.

that partly explains my behaviour lately.

and the stress from the assignments too added into it.

i want to tell you everything. but somehow, i fear.

cos i dont know if i can even trust u in it.

why? cos i really dont know who i am to you.

and more importantly, who you are to me.

~~~~

just give me time to sort things thru. and when im done. i will let it all go.

another random post

2009-01-04T22:26:00.002+08:00

I am more disappointed in you more than i am disappointed in myself.

And no. You are NOT a friend to me.

Neither am i a friend to you.

It is true that friends dont ignore each other.

But think about it..

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU IGNORED MY SMSES?!

So does that make me YOUR FRIEND?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2008-12-27T17:11:00.003+08:00

Merry Projects Everyone!
Deadlines are coming in.
So im gonna be damn damn damn busy.
Hence, pardon me for my poor mood these days.
I think im very stressed out now. Haha.
Certain part of me are not really functioning properly.

I had my fair shar of celebrations and partying for xmas.
So now comes the time to CHIONG for projects!

So.. don't look forward to more updates yeah!

Hahaha.. Better still, FORGET about this blog!

iknowthatithinkofyoumorethanyouthinkofme.
butitsokay.cosiknowwhoyouareandwhatyoumeantome.

To my wife, bf and gf..
MERRY PROJECTS AND HAPPY EYEBAGS!

XOXO
Haziq

Welcome Onboard!

2008-12-20T17:23:00.005+08:00

In an instance, ive "earned" myself THREE step-cousins.

Welcome onboard to the detrimental family of ours!

Have a pleasant journey ahead!

All the best!

Lost

2008-12-19T23:14:00.002+08:00

I looked at my reflection in the mirror

and asked myself

Who is He?

I know the answer

And its rather sad to know it.

~~~

My plans got trashed.

and my day got worst when my eZlink card dropped into the hole.

ARGH!

~~~

IMISSYOULOADS!

What?

2008-12-13T16:53:00.004+08:00

Seriously!

Imsickandtiredofallthese!

Iseethedifferentsideofyoueachtime.

Attimesimjustgladtohaveyoubymyside.

Andattimes,youarejustsofreakingeffedupwithureattitude.

Ibelieveyouknowittoothatyoutreatmedifferentlythesedays.

I thought u were someone i could rely on.

Someone i can share everything that is in me.

I wanted to talk to you about my life,

my family,

my plans,

and more importantly,

But there wasn't an opportunity for me to do so.

Day and night i sat through

thinking of me and you.

But i have not a clue

of whats bothering you.

Even if we are not together
Doesn’t mean that you are nothing to me.
Even if we are not meant to be

Gives you no reason to be mean to me.

SCSM!

2008-12-08T20:43:00.003+08:00

Good Job Guys for Completing the Race!

- Zaihasrah Nasir
- Seth Ang
- Greg Goh
- Joshua Ng
- Christopher
- Benjamin Tay

Another milestone in ure life =]

Empty void.

2008-12-07T22:30:00.006+08:00

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

And the result of that empty void,

is the constant pining of you.

Come to me.

~~~

ps: thanks for the night! ;)

Playlist

2008-12-06T18:02:00.001+08:00

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

Soundtrack of my Summer.

2008-12-04T23:48:00.003+08:00

Just so you know,
I think of you everyday.

You and You

2008-12-03T22:50:00.003+08:00

To him:

I dont love you. I really dont. Its just that you mean alot to me. Alot alot.
I miss the times when we were together; the things we do, the movies we watched, the laughter we shared. But now.. thing's changed. You changed. You get meaner and grumpier towards me. I know it. I can feel it.

Half of me wants you by my side. But the other half, prefers to be without you.

And for once, im rather regretful to be in the same "boat" as you. Cos i cant bear the pain with all your sharp words everyday. But perhaps im just too sensitive. I dont know. But then again, i do feel thankful that i could at least see you everyday. Being around u makes me feel secured.

I miss the soft side of u.

To him:
Recently i kept thinking of you. Rather wierd i shall say. But those words that night truely touched me. I dont know wad's gonna happen now. Im letting it flow. At times.. i asks myself,
"Are you the one?"

F1 NIGHT!

2008-10-19T19:34:00.005+08:00

OKAY! THIS POST HAS BEEN LONG OVERDUE. SO, I JUST WANNA MAKE IT BRIEF. VERY BRIEF. BUT I DID HAVE LOADS OF FUN ON THAT WEEKEND THOUGH!

Sunday was my 14th consecutive day working.
As some of you may have known, i was selected to work for Tung Lok Group in the Esplanade Grandstand during the F1 period.

Tung Luk Group has won numerous awards like the International Star Diamond Award and My Humble House Restaurant in the Esplanade is one of the Top 100 Restaurants in the World.
I am therefore very much honoured to work under the wings of such a renowned company.

Tung Luk has chosen students from Temasek Polytechnic and Nanyang Politechnic's Hospitality students to be part of their workforce for the event. The students selected were screened in an interview in their respective schools and somehow, i got selected. Haha.

I wasn't really working in the restaurant, i was working at the lounge area that faces the race track. It provides a spectacular view of turn 15 and the sprint right after that.
*You can view it by clicking the Map*

-FAST FORWARD-

At the end of the 3rd day.. our group took these pics together!

Thats me, PQ and darling Arisa.

Another lovely shot of us=]

Taking a nap at Popye's while waiting to start work. Then, teddy go took a picture of me =.=''

Introducing, my future automobile! The Lamborgini!

This pic is taken when i was super high after drinking 7 glasses of cocktails, 4 glasses of red wine, 2 white's, and 4 glasses of beer! IN WHICH, ALL IS FOR FREE! It would have cost me 400 bucks to drink as much as that.. BUT I GOT IT FREE! WOoohoo!

-END!-

Norwegian Recycling - How Six Songs Collide

2008-10-13T00:59:00.005+08:00

[Stop the auto playlist at the bottom of the page and play this clip!]

Norwegian Recycling - How Six Songs Collide

Well you done done me
And you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill
But you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
And now I'm trying to get back

Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me
But divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn
To win some or learn some

I won't he-si-tate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you

(Yeah)
Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
I luv peaceful melodys
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved

But I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme (I'm sure)
(No need to) Out of the doubt that fills my mind (com-pli-cate, our time is short)
I somehow find, (This is our fate) you and I (I'm yours) collide

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird (Do do do do do)
I'm more than a plane (Do do do do do)
I'm more than some (Do do do do do) pretty face beside a train
And it's not easy (Do do do do do) to be-e (Do do do do do) me

Was I not enough stimulation
Hit by a brick the other day
Just when I thought that I'm okay
You didn't like my conversation
I can't come up with something new
It doesn't really matter what I do
So here's my observation
You could never see it through my eyes
And I'm too tired to try (Do do do do)

I was lost and alone (Do do do do do)
Trying to grow (Do do do do do)
Making my way down that long winding road (Do do do do do)
Had no reason no rhyme (Do do do do do)
Like a song out of time (Do do do do do)
And there you were standing in front of my eyes (Do do do do do)

How could I be such a fool (Do do do do do)
To let go of love and break all of the rules (Do do do do do)
Girl when you walked out that door (Do do do do do)
Left a hole in my heart (Do do do do do)
And now I know for sure

I'm here without you baby (Do do do do do)
But you're still on my lonely mind (Do do do do do)
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time (Do do do do do)
I'm here without you baby (Do do do do do)
But you're still with me in my dreams (Do do do do do)
And tonight (I'm yours) (Do do do do do)

So don't lie and say your over me
Don't mean nothing
I'm always getting over you

I was lost and alone
But you're still on my lonely mind
It cannot wait, I'm yours

I can't stand to fly
I finally find you and I collide
I'm just out to find
You finally find you and I collide
You finally find you and I collide

~~~

The transitions from each song to the next is impeccable.
And i find the whole thing a perfect combo.
The songs has loads of meaning and when all are brought together, it brings the whole experience and meaning to a whole new level!
I hope you guys like it..
Do give feedback regarding it!

ENJOY!

Something new..

2008-10-12T02:06:00.005+08:00

Isuddenlyrealisethatimnolongerfeelingasgreenasiusedtobefore.
Perhapsimindeedoveryou.
Butimnotsure.
Cos maybe now im just fully motivated to work on my new business plan to such an extend that relationships no longer mean much to me.

And also much thanks to hakim who sort of reminded me that people see potential in me and i am somewhat limiting myself by being in a relationship.

I can't promise to share with you the new business that is in my mind.. cos i want to keep it a secret fearing someone could steal it away (which is unlikely). haha.

Im working on the details and i believe it takes a loooong time for it to be done. Why? Its because im planning to start not only a new business, but a new Organisation! So now, im gonna take the time that i have till my targeted age to start it, to do my extensive research, get opinions, and perfect the solution to GOLD!

I'll declare it to the world when its ready.

The very few of you who know wad it is about..
Keep it to ureself yeah. ;)

Im speechless.

2008-10-11T00:51:00.004+08:00

To: Love

Im speechless.
I read through the conversation we had.
And. im. just. speechless.

But now, i understand.
You left me cos you want me to have you loving me only.
You left me cos your heart was partially with ~~him.~~
You left me cos you didn't want to hurt me with you being that way.
You left me cos you wanted me to be happy.

But the question now is, why did you let me go?
Why did you allow yourself to suffer,
and me suffer,
when you could have just asked for me back.
Do you even know, that i am much happier with you.
But nonetheless, ive learnt to live on my own,
even though you are embeded deep in my heart.

Though you sounded genuine,
i somehow feel that you are still hiding some things from me.
I can tell. I can sense it.

And now, even though i still love you,
I don't want you back, yet.
I don't wanna be like ~~him.~~
I only want you back when you have no one in your heart except for me.
Thats what you want too,
am i right?

So now,
Go love your love
and give your best.
Cos u've made the decision.
And its not a time to step back.

But then again..
I still feel as though you are hiding something.
In one moment you were talking to me so much.
Then the next, ure back to ure usual self;
one word answers. and at times, none at all.
Whats with you man?
Are you cheating my feelings again or sumthin'?

If there is one thing that i can do to you now,
i will hugg you 'cos i miss you.
And somehow, i will hugg you to death,
cos im rather angry and dissappointed;
but at least you could die in the warmth of my arms.

A mess!

2008-10-09T00:55:00.007+08:00

I dont really know wads going on in my fucked up life right now. Another day, another disaster. But somehow, im doing an excellent job in sucking it right in, and hiding it under the masquerade of dellusions. Im appearing strong, like i usually do. But deep inside, chaos, is the word.
Zooming in into my love life, im not sure of wad i want. Im not sure of how i want my love life to be. But what i know as of now, is that im still having deep feelings of him. I cant stop thinking of him all day. I know he is avoiding me as always. Cos i was rather mean to him i think.. but like wad he said to me once before, "I am mean to you cos u mean alot to me," i m doing the exact same thing. Im sorry if ive hurt you in the process, cos you really mean alot to me.
I care for him too much too. When i saw that the piece of coal flew to his arm, my heart felt as though it stopped beating. Lucky it didnt hurt/burnt him. If it had, I would have hugged him that instant and apply the cream and be by his side until the pain wears off. I can't say i love him. Cos i dont think i do. Its just that he means soo much to me. Soo very much. Soo very much that i care soo much about him. Okay, now i sound as though im repeating the same thing over and over, but thats how i really feel..
To end it off, i wanna say.. if you are to be my soulmate, i promise that i will take good care of you and give you as much love as i can give and be at the finishing point of the races in your life. But then, that day will never come. It never will, i think.

Lazy.

2008-10-07T13:43:00.008+08:00

Im still not done with the F1 post.
Cos im rather busy these days,
and i dont have the motivation to finish it up.

Alot of things have been going on with my life recently.
Especially the politics in my family.
And somehow, im rather numb to the deception and all.
Cos its not the first time this happens.
But im just worried about my siblings.
I fear that they couldnt handle the situation the way i can.

Anyway.. the Friday Club had successfully planned and executed a BBQ for our class and the event went extremely well. Not only do we have a huge variety of food with the small budget, the food prepared were amazing! (Thanks to my maid for cooking most of them! Hahah!) I may blog more about it soon if i feel like it okay! =)

~~~

I miss you. The overpowering smell of ure cologne melted my insides the moment you arrived. It was as though u were baiting me to yourself. You wore a revealing top, which at times show off my fetish. And like a charmed cobra, i just cant stop but have my eyes on you all the time. Neither can i stop thinking about u. Everytime when our skin touches, the insides of me melted. And im just thankful, that there was the opportunity to hugg you that day. I wanted it. I needed it. Cos why? Cos you are somehow, still someone special to me. Very special indeed. <3

The Prize Money~A MAZDA 6!

2008-09-20T00:38:00.005+08:00

I was forcing myself to sleep when suddenly, my phone rang.
It was him. He called to say that he wanted to talk to me cos we haven't been talking to each other for quite sum time. I find it wierd talking on the phone so, i decided to go over to his place. So, i put on my shorts(as i was only wearing briefs then) and headed to his place.

I was welcomed with his usual warmth. The room was stuffy, yet homely. I asked him what he wanted from me. And this is how our conversation roughly went..

Dad: How old are you now?
Me: Erm.. 18 (My heart beat faster, while my mind was figuring out wad i did wrong) Why?
Dad: Then you waiting for what?
Me: Huh? Wait for what?
Dad: You 18 already then when you want to learn driving?
Me: Ohh.. (Breathing a huge sigh of relieve) I busy laa.. i got exams and work and all.. Den summore, u never say anything abt it, so i kept queit lorr. Cos that time u said u will sponsor me the fees.
Dad: You arr.. Nuts case. Tomoro u no work right. I give u money tomoro den go apply.
Me: Tomoro?! Haaaaah! I lazy la..
Dad: Nonono. i don't care. You go tomoroo. I give you money.
Me: Awwhh.. OKayla. Fine..

After a few other conversations...

Dad: Im planning to transfer over and work at the middle east next year. Because There will be a new opening, and they have selected me to be part of their opening team. So.. yala.. Then, since i'll be going over, i'll give my car to you.
Me: (Jaws dropped in amazement)
Dad: I will pay for everything, you don't have to worry. You just have to pay for the petrol and carpark only.
Me: (JAWS DROPPED EVEN MORE)
Dad: That's why i want you to learn driving. And if possible, i want you to learn it by your next birthday. So that i can officially hand it over to you as your birthday gift.
Me: (Acting cool as though i heard nothing) Oh okay. I'll try my best.

So there you go.. My dad's gonna give me his car if i get my license by my next birthday. And somehow, im sooo damn hyped up to work hard and get my license. But then, i suddenly remembered.. i've got alot of things going on next sem.

School at Tourism Academy @ Sentosa
Retake Marketing Module
Work at McDonalds and Sentosa
Learn Driving

Thus, i can foresee that i will be very busy next sem/year. I have the feeling that i will be a workaholic like i was before in year 1. There's so many things to achieve on, and there's soo little time. Therefore, i must carefully manage my time to fully utilise every moment and be efficient and effective.

Sidetracking: Talking about work, ive been soo busy these days working. Working at Mcd in the Morning, and at sentosa in the afternoon till late. AND IM SUMWHAT ENJOYING IT! The friends that i make in Sentosa comes from all walks of life. And they all come together to work, and make sentosa a better place for tourists! =)

With that being said, i've decided on my priorities and RELATIONSHIP will no longer be of my consideration for the upcoming sem. Why? Because relationship at this age won't last long. And it will be a definite waste of time, looking at the great opportunity in front of me. Moreover, relationship will effect my productivity as it involves feelings and all, so i just want to keep it on hold at the moment.

I want to do well.
I WANT TO DO WELL BADLY!
I want the car.
I WANT THE CAR BADLY!

I've always love my father's car. Ever since he got it in MAY this year, ive always use every opportunity that i have, to ride it. To me, its damn nice. With its sleek contours and elegant yet sportish look, it's for sure one will be wow'ed by it. One top of all that, its Black. Which makes it more stylish and all. I can sooo imagine myself driving it, bringing my friends around and driving around the streets with my love one.

Here's a slight peek at how the car looks like. It is sumwhat similar to the one my father has... ;)

"Work hard now, and enjoy later." Thats wad my father always say. Im gonna work hard, concentrate in my studies and work, earn my license, get the car and after one year of hard work,it will all be paid off.

Jia You HAZIQ~!

In one moment.. (edited)

2008-09-16T23:51:00.010+08:00

A gush of wind.
And the voice broke the silence.
I looked up, after a hard day of work.
And familiar features formed into my mind.

I was taken aback
by the image that was formed.
And in an instant
i wasn't myself.
~
After stepping away, i trembled;
I wasn't certain of what had just happened.
Soon, Images of the past flashed through my mind.
Images after images, thoughts after thoughts,
Then i learnt: i'm still not over him,
Even though i thought i was.
But i stayed calm,
reminded myself:
What's meant to be mine,
Will be mine!
PS:
There is a reason to why it's green
There is a reason to my everything.

2 Movies with Great Impact

2008-09-13T16:24:00.013+08:00

(edited on 15/09)

Hey Hey..

I just finished watching all the episodes of Hana-kimi (on Pris and GF recommendation) and the guys are soo KAWAIII! Haha! Damn freaking cute la! I am like googoogaga over the few main leads. Woah! Okay!

Other then that, ive been watching 2 homo movies online.

Namely, Bangkok Love Story and Boy's Love .

Bangkok Love Story

The movie has lots of unexpected twists and turns that manage to excite the viewers interest . Acting, directing and editing of the movie was also very much well done as their portrayal of clan-destined lovers was well thought out and well acted.

This is one of the best movies that i have ever watched.
Its about 2 guys falling for each other. One, is in denial that he is gay, while the other, who is already married to a beautiful woman, left the marriage in pursuit for his new love. And im very much amazed by his sacrifice and perseverance to wait for the guy in denial to accept the fact that he has fallen for him.

Love, is unconditional. A girl or a guy? It doesnt matter. As long as you have the special feeling there is no harm going for it. Now, at this point of time, some may argue my point, but come on! think of it! If u are gay, would you rather cheat a gilrl's feeling and marry her just to coverup the fact that u are gay/bi, when in the very first place, you dont really have true feelings for her? (IF YOU ARE, DEN URE A FREAKING EGOISTIC JERK!) And also, you may raise the fact that the society is against it and bla bla bla! But Hey! nowadays.. the society is getting more and more acceptable to this ~~"tabboo"~~ behaviour as they are more open minded.

For those denial homo's out there: Be true to ureself. Don't go through emotional turbulance by denying the fact that ure homo when in actual fact you are. I've gone through that stage and boy i tell you! Its no fun at all! Bieng true to ureself and accepting ureself for who you really are will sumwhat boost ure self-confidence and some people may even look up to you.
Some, may even treat you, as their role model.

What touches me the most in the movie, is when they both go through all odds just to fulfil the promises they made for each other. And that should be the case in real life.
A promise made, is a promise one must fulfil.

I RATE THE MOVIE A 4/5!

(Click the Tittle to watch the movie)
~~~~~

Boy's Love

This movie is a rather draggy one with not much action/plots in it. Other then the super cute lead actor, one may find the show boring.
However, it has an interesting meaning about what LOVE is and that is what in interesting.

In this movie, i am sumwhat reminded that love, is special, and is based on feelings, Not sex. So it made me think through the latest relationship that i had. It wasn't love. It was more of the man's urge/desire to relief his hormones, aka SEX.

SEX, should be done, with the one you truely have feelings for. Not with any random stranger you find in the streets. And nope, im not guilty for giving myself away easily, i did infact, do have (notice the present tense used)feelings for him. However, after watching this movie, and thinking through, i realise that alot of men out there confuses love, with desire. And once his desire have (notice the plural used)been fulfilled, comes the phase where "he changes his mind" or "you're not the guy for me" or "i want to turn straight" and bla bla.

Therefore, to know that if sumone is after you for sex, or that he truely loves you, SEX, should not be done until you really know him well enough. And my suggestion to this, is by making a "no-sex rule" in the relationship in which sex is forbidden in the first few stages of the relationship or that it should only happen after the honeymoon period.

[MPOSSIBLE? Yeah. i know, especially since gay relationship usually involeves loads of sex.. but think about it, do u want a STR or a LTR?]

This is to avoid the relationship from being based on sex but based on LOVE instead.

Through this, one would get to know the true self of his/her partner without involving lust/sex in the picture. And i daresay, that through this, the relationship have higher chances for it to last longer.

(Click the Tittle to watch the movie)
~~~~~

And its because of this two movies,
that changes my perception and feelings
For You.

Now you understand why i dont wanna go out with you?
Its because i wanna try to forget you.
Im sorry.

But i hope that we could still remain as friends like we used to be .. =)

Have Faith.

2008-09-13T05:08:00.003+08:00

I was blog hopping like moments ago..
and i read some rather interesting stuff.
now.. My heart is rather numb.
Very numb in fact! sigh...

So now, i wanna calm myself down,
and cheer myself up!

By saying..
"What's meant to be your's Haziq,
Will be yours."
"and What's meant to be yours _____,
will be yours"
Have faith.

Notice.

2008-09-13T04:34:00.004+08:00

I know some of my posts are no longer available.
And some may have noticed its disappearance.
This is because i wanted to hide sum things away from the public's view.
However, ive managed to tone some things down and add a little cleavage here and there so that u guys can still view it anyway.
I didnt re-publish all of the withdrawn posts though.
Only some.
=)

and as for me.. im fine.
and im recovering well!
so no worries..

Lovelove,
haziq.

Schedule

2008-09-10T23:38:00.008+08:00

So here's my re-edited schedule:

Mon- ~~Rest at home/Go out to places nearby.~~
Tue- PACE Training
Wed- Friday Club Unofficial Outing
-Shopping
Thurs- TMG! ~~Outing~~ Dinner.
Fri- Appointment at SNEC @ 8am.
-~~Dinner with Kenny~~
-Timber with GF&Rhian.

Sat- F1 race Briefing at Tung Luk @ 10.30am
-2H02 Class Outing Afternoon
-Movie with him at night *cross-fingers*
-SLEEPOVER RHIAN HOUSE!
Sun-Island Creamery in the Afternoon!
-Sleepover Wati House?
Mon- FRIDAY CLUB OUTING! which includes..
-Free Hippo Tour
-Photoshoots at Fort Canning
-Dinner at Sakae
-Timber at night

And oh! Now if u've noticed, the ~~stoooooopid~~ appointment is at 8am! Its like damn early laaah! Tsk! and i dont think i need ppl to accompany me. but it will be great if anyone does! ;)

MAR.APR.MAY.JUN.JUL.AUG.SEP...

2008-09-10T12:34:00.003+08:00

I was editing through my blog's template,
when suddenly, i was reminded of my past.
And out of impulse,
i slowly rolled-over the mouse
to Mr Forgetful.

Posts after posts i read through.
And im rather speechless.
I didnt know that i can do all those.
I mean, i didnt know that im a very loyal guy.
And somehow, it reminded me of the promises i made.
And the promises i shall fulfil!

The posts that have a great impact on me was the ones on

April 20
May 19
May 26
May 24

To end this post, here's a statement that almost made me tear..

"But then again,
i do hope
that we could fulfil our promise.

To be our first.
And soon..
Each other's Last"

Pissed..

2008-09-09T20:02:00.009+08:00

PISSED.PISSED.PISSED.PISSED.PISSED.PISSED.PISSED.PISSED.

I will be very pissed if i am to miss the movie.

I wanted to watch it ever since the 15th of August,

and now, almost a month later, i've YET to watch it!

WTB!

Damn irritating can! Argh!

Ive purposely rejected offers from ppl to watch the show during my birthday

just because u pomised that u will watch it with me!

I will be very pissed if i am to miss the movie.

~~~~~~

So here's my re-edited schedule:

Mon- Rest at home/ Go out to places nearby. (Free)

Tue- PACE Training

Wed- Free

Thurs- TMG Outing

Fri- Appointment at SNEC @ 8am and Dinner with Kenny

Sat- F1 race Briefing at Tung Luk @ 10.30am

2H02 Class Outing Afternoon

Movie with him at night*cross-fingers*

SLEEPOVER RHIAN HOUSE!

Sun-Island Creamery in the Afternoon!

its like, you miss him so much, but ure damn pissed!
that u feel like hugging him to death.

i miss u. while hating u.

ARGH

PISSED.PISSED.PISSED.PISSED.PISSED.PISSED.PISSED.PISSED.

A month later..

2008-09-09T02:40:00.006+08:00

One month

...has passed since my mom found out that im AJ. And after one month, here's the monthly report of the rules that i've broken.

MUAHAHAH! Im soo evil!

I have to be home by 11pm sharp.
~ I RARELY go home by 11 when i go out. There were only very few several *emphasis intended* occasions when i go home on time. And usually, i will just beat the curfew TOTALLY! haha.
Bcos of that, i cannot sleepover anyone's house again.
~ I've slept ove Juz's house at CCK 2 times in the month, slept over his house several times, Rhian's house once, and Seth's house once. Hehe. Thats like almost 1 and a half weeks of not sleeping over! And oh! i wanna sleep over Rhians house agaiiin!
No one is allowed to sleepover my house.
~ Im a good boy. So i haven't break this rule. Haha.
I have to spend more time at home to teach my siblings.
~ Errr.. i think i spend more of my time at home sleeping, so i've never taught any of them ever since. haha.
I have to report my whereabouts at night.
~ Hmm.. i dont! I just dont care and go whereever i want. But i will usually inform GF or him abt my whereabouts. Just incase anything happens to me. Haaaha.
I have to go to religious classes
~ Only went ONCE but i got bored so i requested that i leave 1.5 hr early. HAHAHAH! The rest of the times, i was just ..erm.. *scratches head to find an excuse*.. OH! I was studying!.. ..while sleeping! Hahahaa..
I have to start praying.
~No coments! :X
I cannot be in any more relationships.
~ No comments either! :X
I MUST TURN STRAIGHT.
~Erm.. *changes topic* My eyes are somewat straight now!? Doing well HAZIQ! Hahaha.

The thing is.. my mom dont take any measures to make sure that i abide to the rules. There was once even she extended the curfew to 2am! Haha!

Rules are meant to be folowed as a guideline,
But are meant to be broken.

Sidetracking..

OMG This is damn funny!
And i like it alot cos theres my favourite aircraft behind the bushes!~

THE APACHE!

These pictures of my favourite aircraft was taken 2 years ao during the RSAF open house.
The open house, was an experience that i can never forget! With great people and all.. woohoo!

This year's open house however, was more of a dismay.
It rained, and the aerial display was rather brief.
Went there with Bryan, Kelvin and Seth and
BRYAN STILL HAS THE PICS WITH HIM!

Anyhow, heres the group picture of the previous open house that are still in my comp =)

MuahahA!

Actually, u can view more of the pics in my FRIENDSTER!

Thats all folks!
*(omg! i sidetracked alot!LOLS!)*

Pissed!

2008-09-08T21:19:00.002+08:00

i feel so toot!
i hate it when i make plans for my schedule,
and people have to ruin it.

darn irritating. wtb!
argh!

Pictures of my eyes.. -0.0-

2008-09-08T06:26:00.011+08:00

Its 6.45am in the morning and i cant seem to fall asleeep since 2am.

So, i was forcing myself to sleep by listening to music in my psp and suddenly, the batt went flat! So now, i really got nothing to do. BooHoo!

I took a few pictures of my eyes for u all to see..

S M I L E =D

SOOO CUTE RAIIGHT! Muahahah!

Okay, now, if u notice, the sides of my eyes are red...

Here's a closer look!

It used to be even REDDER yesterday. Meaning, im recovering well!

WOOHOO!

But still, i need someone to accompany me go see doctor. =(

Okay, now i feel tired. BED! Here i come!

Just a little walk down the road..

2008-09-07T22:59:00.005+08:00

No one was at home.
They have all went out.
So, i was bored at home and i decided to go out.

But first, i have to take a shower.
I havent had any shower for the past 3 days!
Cos the doctor advices me not to so that water dont get into my eyes.
But then, i just felt very sticky and irritated that i just didnt care.
So i went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up.
First, i cleaned and washed my face using sum cotton thingy.
Den, i washed my hair by leaning forward, so that water dont get into my eyes.
And it was very difficult i tell you!

Den, i washed and scrubbed my body using sum body shop thingy that u bought a few weeks ago.

When im all clean and fresh, i left my house, all alone. I messaged GF and greg about my whereabouts in case anything happens to me.

My first step out of the house was very scary!
I felt very unstable and weak. It was as though i took my first step into the school hall to collect my results. After barely a few steps down the stairs, my eyes started to give me alittle discomfort. But i told myself to push on.

Steps after steps i made, and soon, i came to the traffic junction. Throughout the walk, i tried looking at all angles, but i manage to only tilt the eyeballs a few degrees to the left and right. This is because the wound is still fresh and my brain still needs time to adjust to the change.

This means that i have to turn my whole head just to look left/ right. Haha.

I Waited for the greenman to show before crosssing. Reminded me of the primary school days when my mom keep on reminding me to look lft, look right, den left again, before crossing. Hahah. And so i crossed the road safely.

After another few minutes of walk, i managed to reach Loyang Point safely. The coolness of the place calms my soul. I took a deep sigh of relief that nothing has happened to me. After giving myself a pat on my back, i headed straight to Sheng Siong to do my grocery shopping.

The people there are INSANE! There were a group of indian nationals pushing around to get through, a group of children playing catch, the aunties walking so fast and not giving way. The atmosphere was so intensely fast, that i got a headache and i almost passed off. But luckily, i managed to stay strong. However, my eyes started to feel the strain and i had to rest at the side for awhile.

I bought juices, seaweed, and a packet of brownie mix that i intended to make for him and him. However, i called him and he said that he dont want any, so i just bought one for him. =) [This is soo confusing!]
Why, you may ask, am i making Brownies for him? It is because i have 24hours of the day to spend at home, so id rather be productive and learn sumthing in the process. Heh.

When i got home, i realised that i lost the house keys =.= , so i had to wait for my maid to return. While waiting, i had a conference with GF and Rhian. (And oh! Rhain is so prettay.) Haha.
Eh wait! And before that, while walking home, i realised that my pants kept on dropping. And ther was one occasion in which it almost dropped in front of an auntie. Hahah. I think i lost alot of tummy or sumthing.

Anyway. When my maid reached home, i went online to discuss with greg about the outing. Den, we realise that we cannot make it on tuesday cos we are involved in the PACE training. We tried changing it to different timings of monday and tuesday But still cannot. Im seriously very dissappointed cos ive been wanting to watch the movie since the release and he promised to watch it with me.

Now that my plans on tue is cancelled. I have to find sumone to accompany me to go for my checkup. ANYONE OUT THERE KIND ENOUGH? =D I really need sumone to accompany me cos its far away and my parents are working :( Please please please anyone?

If really cannot, den i have to try changing the appointment to wed instead. And even so, i still have to find someone to accompany me. =(

And oh! i forgot to add, im scheduled to work this week, but my supervisor has allowed me to take leave so that i can recover =) Thus, making my whole week free!

So here's my schedule:
Mon- Rest at home/ Go out to places nearby. (Free)
Tue- Appointment at SNEC @ 3.30pm [tentatively]
Wed- Appointment at SNEC [to be confirmed]
Thurs- TMG Outing
Fri- Dinner with Kenny
Sat- F1 race Briefing at Tung Luk @ 10.30am (Free in the afternoon)
Sun- (Free)

~~~~~~~~~

Reply to Taggs:
Azni and Brie's . Where got never plan properly! Im free to go out with u guys on sat wad! U guys just have to confirm with me. =)
And as for GF and Rhian, if azni they all dont wanna go out on sat, i can go out with u babes.
And to him: I hope u keep to ure promise.

Road to RECOVERY!

2008-09-07T15:18:00.004+08:00

Hello everyone!
Firstly, i wanna thank everyone for the well wishes.
Esp GF! and Greg! They are the ones who accompanied me everyday by calling me while i was rcovering. I really apreciate it guys! Haha.
I had fever in the morning. And a terible sore throat since last night. My eyes are getting better though. Its not as red as before, and im able to open my eyes fully. Thus, being able to blog and also CHANGE MY SKIN!

Woohooo!
Nice raight! Hahaha! Very cute. It took me a few hours to get it raight cos there were alot of errors from the site i got it from. But im still not happy with the colour combination though. I jjust cant change the colour of the text for the entries! Argh!

Anyway.. here's my schedule for next week. You guys are welcome to date me out or visit me.

Mon- Rest at home/ Go out to places nearby. (Free)
Tue- Go out with Greg /Appointment at SNEC @ 3.3pm
Wed- (Free)
Thurs- TMG Outing
Fri- Dinner with Kenny
Sat- F1 race Briefing at Tung Luk @ 10.30am (Free in the afternoon)
Sun- (Free)

~EmmHedge!

Aftermath

2008-09-06T10:10:00.005+08:00

When i woke up,
my whole body was trembling.
I tried to lift my arm,
but for once, i have no control over my limb.
Then, i tried opening my eyes,
but it was too heavy and painful.
I gave up and fell back to sleep.

The images of my dream
stays vivid in my memory.
I dreamt of him. And him.
and I dreamt of him hugging me,
taking care of me.

Is it a vision? Or is it just a dream?
Time will tell, perhaps.

Now, im at home. Resting and Recovering.
My eyes are bloodred. But its getting better.

Thanks for all the well wishes.
You can all visit me at my house.
251 Pasir Ris st.21
#04-137

Call me in advance first.
And please, i can barely open my eyes.
It is a great stuggle to even type this.
So, call me. Dont sms.

Muhd Haziq

Surgery

2008-09-03T23:29:00.004+08:00

What? : Surgery
When? : Friday, 5th Sept

What time? : 7am
Where? : SNEC (beside SGH)
For What? : Correction of Amblyopia.

So yeah, there you have it. Im going for a day surgery.

Thus, i dont think i can go for the CYA bbq and SA chalet.
Neither can i go for work.

Anyway, wish me luck, and the best of heatlh.
And oh! Pray that the surgery is a smooth one!

Lovelove<3

Muhammad Haziq

Thank you~!

2008-08-30T04:12:00.004+08:00

A BIG THANK YOU to everyone for the birthday wishes and all! I really appreciate it!

Even though the celebration was just at the prata shop, i still think that it was a blast!
Cos everyone had fun! And i certainly did! hahaha!
anyway..thanks for the surprise! Love ya babes!

And to the one and only who knows about this..
Those three COCKtails, are the best birthday gifts ever!
And now, when its all over, i miss it soo much.
The same way i miss you too.. ;)

More.updates.on.my.birthday.coming.up.
Im.just.too.lazy.to.blog.nowadays.Hahaha.

Love Love,
EmmHedge!

250890

2008-08-26T21:55:00.003+08:00

The Clock striked NINE PM!
AND FINALLY ACCOUNTS IS OVER!

I seriously enjoyed the paper~!
Its like, for the first time ever, i understand accounts, and im actually enjoying the paper! On top of that, i managed to balance the equation and i think i did well(except for some minor mistakes here and there)!

Then, i collected my bag, and felt very confident as i walked out of the room. Everyone was like comparing their answers. and i was sumwhat happy that i managed to balance the equation. Then, as i walked around the crowded and noisy corridor, i met up with loooads of familiar faaces and started hugging around. haha. den, i took out my fone, to see one new message recieved.

At first, i wanted to just keep it for later. But then, as i put it back into my bag, i felt as though something was not right. So, i pressed the "Open" button, and had a shock of my life~!

Its him. After soooo long of not even contacting each other, he finally messaged me.

..to be continued.

Tick Tock..

2008-08-25T08:42:00.002+08:00

The time is tickin'..
In a few hours time..
Muhammad Haziq
IS TURNING
EIGHTEEN!

National Day THREESOME!

2008-08-23T22:18:00.003+08:00

Hey guys!

This post is looong overdue..

and and and it is filled with loads and loads of pics!

BUT LET ME WARN YOU! THE PICS ARE RATHER OUT OF SHAPE!

Haahahahahaaaaa!

And im too lazy to edit!

Oh oh! and one more thing! I just had an ugly haircut with a barber who come from china and speaks nothing but mandarin! how tooot is that! and he cut my hair damn ugly siaa! And luckily, Jessica has agreed to trim it for me tomoro.!.

Love you babe!

Anyway.. i spent my national day with Adek Brie, and Mummy Azni and Papa Juz.

At ferst, it may seem pathetic, cos its just the few of us. Moreover, WHO WOULD WANT TO GO TO SENTOSA WHEN THERE IS LIKE FIREWORKS AT THE MAINLAND!

But then again, its not that loser-ish after all. we had soooo much fun and i realise that the company i have, is simply amazing can!

So, we met at vivo after my work(i had to wait 1 hour for them!).

And we bought dinner there. I bought the KFC VARIETY VALUE MEAL!
While Azni had her 2 piece chicken. Brie, wanting to lose weight, had his yong tau foo.

Then headed to the monorail and snapped some pictures..

So thats Brie, and I, with my fugly hair-cut. Even GF thaddea says that its ugly! Sigh! But nvm! Im still hot in the other aspects of me!

*WINKS*
~~~~~

Okay! Brie is like HOMO-PHOBIC! and so i wanted to scare him by kissing him. haha! he damn loser la!

Here's Azni, Brie and I, cam whoring. LoLs!

~~~~~

OKAY OKAY!THIS PART DAMN FUNNY! We wanted to have like random pictures, so i kinda kissed Azni. Den Den, there were like two gerls beside us, watching us and all.

AND LOOK AT THAT! THEIR REACTIONS! SUPER SHOCKED CAN! AHAHAH! AND DAMN FUNNY! KEYPO PEOPLE TO THE MAX! HAHHA! LOOK AT THE OPEN JAWS! AWWWWH! HAHAHAHA!

~~~~

Okay, fun over!

So we reached the beach station and snapped a few more pics..

It was like almost 2 months ago since i last came here.

The last time i was here was when there was the Service Ambassador(SA) introduction thingy in which we got to know each other and had an Amaaaazing race around the island!

So here i am, looking lost. Cos everything seems so different, yet similar in my head.

LoLs!

Den, we walked to PALAWAN BEACH and set up our picnic site. Had dinner and snapped more and more and more pics!

We ate our food.
And despite all the negative feedback from others about the KFC Variety value meal, i find that it is very nice. The patty of the shrooms burger is very jiucy and all! Yum Yum!

^TWO WORDS! SWEET COUPLE! ^

Den, Brie became the director of the photoshoots and directed us to do funny funny things. We were like soo INTO feeding and feeeding each other while snapping and snapping pictures to such an extent that soem food got wasted as it dropped on the floor. And nopes! Not my food! Brie's foood! And seriously, i think he is damn Loooooser laa! With the CAMPITAL "L" IN FRONT!

HAHAAHAH!

And OOOH! This pic damn hot! Like some movie cover! ahha

And here i am, wiping my little brother's mouth after he had his dinner..
Love you Adek!
NO OFFENCE YEAH!
hahaha!

~~~~~~

AND OMG! You know wad! i think the next picture is hotter than the previous wan! But its just that my hair spoil everything! bleahahah!
SUPER HOT SIA!

Okay! Shiat! Im starting to sound like a bimbo. EH NO~! A HIMBO!
AHAHA!
I learn it from BRIE!
I SWEAR!

We bought the disc shaped thingy called freesbie.
Its just like $5 LEH! Damn cheap cann!

So we play and play..

...and play and play...

AND PLAY AND PLAY!

UNTILL..

I accidently hit Brie's little brother with the freesbie!
He damn Looser la!
He dunno how to block! hahaha!

Brie! Im seriously sorry okay! I hope you dick can still work! And seriously~ have fun fucking all the spiders in the world! Ure dick really IS that small hah!

Then, after loads of fun and laughter, we headed to a nice secluded spot , beside the songs of the sea, while waiting for the 9.45 show (cos Juz got us the 9.45pm show).

So, we lied down, and stared at the stars.

The peace.

The tranquil.

and more importantly,

THE COMPANY!

And yes, we got bored. So we decided to play some games. And nopes!

Not those freaking lame truth or dares.

AND OH! Talking about Truth or Dare, *sidetracking abit*, a few weeeks ago, i had a super cool (NOW WAIT! THATS LIKE CONTRADICTING MYSELF! BUT WADEVER!) dare or dare session at bedok reservoir with Papa Juz, Mummy Azni, CMI Pete , Jerome, sexy Priscella, afro hafiz, munky ridwan, marcus and the uber cute john. The dares all all taken fro m,ridwan's ifone and the dares are really really wild!

Like for instance, i had to run around the reservoir topless, while shouting some lame lines!

Den, Marcus had to lick John's belly-button and many many more outrageous things!

~~~~

Okay! Back to Sentosa, so we had a confession CUM sharing session of our deepest darkest secret.

And after each of our confessions, we each rate how WACKY it is! and guess who lost?!

BRIE!

haahahah!

and here are more pictures..

Okay.. den we got very tired again.. and we lied down...

and snap more ..rather.. misleading picturess..

AND OMG! THIS PICTURE ID LIKE DAMN MISLEADING CAN!

LIKE WE JUST HAD SEX LIKE THAT!

Snacked abit after that, while admiring the view...

~~~~~

I like this pic. I think this is like one of the best shots for the day..

Then after, it is finally time for us to watch the show. But by the time.. we were all very tired and sleepy already. ahah!

We had 4 tickets but the Mr CMI Pete expectedly decide not to come, so we had one extra. Trying not to waste it, we went around giving it to ppl. But nobody wants. Hahah! Like for once, people dont want free stuffs!

The show was rather okay. Kinda boring at times *no offence JUZ!*.
Perhaps I was expecting more from it thats why.
I felt that the show could have been better if there are more interaction with the viewers. It felt as though the actors are doing their own things, instead of connecting with the audience.

I will give. A 1.5Popcorn!

Okay.. NOW, take a lok at the guy in the cap..

Familiar?

Haha! Yeps! Its Juzazwan alright! He was damn enthu la! hahah!

Okay.. he said cannot take his pictures.. so i will only put one for all to see.

=)

Right after the show, we had to wai for Juz to undress, and Brie craved for ICECREAM!

So we walked all the way from SOS to palawan to finf icecream. But the shop was closed cos its already 10 plus by then. Then, wanting not to give up, brie got us to walk all the way back to SOS and all the way to Siloso.

At the journeyy.. we started piggybacking each other cos Brie 's leg pain or sumthing (i cant remember). So yeah.. here are the pictures..

HHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH! DAMN LOOSER LA WEE ALL!

After thousands of seconds of walking, we finally got to the icecream shop. And being a fikle-minded individual that i am, it ook me aeons to decide which icecream i wanted. I was forced to settle down with buttercup with walnut or sumthign like that. AND IT TASTED GOOOOOD!
We slacked at the coffee bean for abit and soon, the SOS people joined us. And there you see.. Juz N Daen. Hahaha.

The Three Gays!

Muahahhahah! oKAY.. I tell you guys sumthing damn funny. When daen cameto us, he kissed and hugged azni. Den, he kissed and hugged me. Den, BRIE WAS LIKE FREAKING OUT! COS HE SCARED THAT DAEN KISS HIM! hhaaahaaha!
That HOMOPHOBIC kid!

But of course! Dean did not! Cos he dont even know BRIE!

Right after brie shook hands with daen, he excused himselfto the toilet for a very very very long time. Hahahah!

Shortly after Daen left, Brie came back. Like wad the blank raight!
hahhaa!

THEN,
We took some group pictures. And this is our best shot!

Azni, Brie and I left juz cos he is going out with the rest of the sos memnbers. We couldnt tagg along cos i got to abide by my mummy's rules. >.<

So here's a picture of us on the way back, in the monorail...

NOPES! THAT IS NOT FATS!

My mouth is filLed with pizza!
Oh! Talking about pizza!
AZNI DROPPED THE WHOLE BOX OF PIZZA ON THE ESCALATOR!
HAHAHHA!
YES! EVERYTHING CAME OFF!
THEN EVERYONE WAS LIKE LAUGHING!

DAMN SAD ARR!
AND VERY THE LOOOSER!
hahaa!

We headed home shortly after, and prepared ourselves to be greeeted by our angry parents cos WE HAD TOTALLY BROKE THE CURFEW!

Thats all folks!

HAPPY BELATED NATIONAL DAY!

love love
:)

Fate and Faith

2008-08-21T23:24:00.007+08:00

Fate and Faith

Fate- An event, or a course of event, that will inevitably happen to one's life.

Faith- It is a confident believe in the truth, value, idea or a thing that is not based on logical truth or material evidence.

~~~~~~

I have faith that what is meant to be mine, WILL be mine.

And i shall succomb to fate,

but i will most definetely put in effort,

to make fate, in my own hands.

~EmmHedge~

17 by Mandy Moore

2008-08-18T01:58:00.006+08:00

Some people tell me, that you're not my kind
And i believe them, but i can't get you out of my mind
Some people tell me that i should stay away
Maybe I will... some other day

'Cause it feel right
And it feels good
And i don't do always that i should
And I know what makes me happy
And in my heart you're it exactly

I don't wanna do right, I just want you tonight
Not just only in my dreams
Save my best behavior, for a little later
'Cause I'm only 17
Think i made my mind up, i got time to grow up
Face responsibility
Livin' in the moment, keepin' my heart open
While I'm only 17

(Only 17...)

I'll learn my lessons, and i'll make mistakes
And If i get burned (get burned), it'll be my heart to break
It isn't easy, hearing what they say
Sometimes you've got to take a leap of faith

'Cause it feel right
And it feels good
And I'm not gonna do something stupid
Just this once, i wanna feel like
I can do what i want when i hold tight
[Chorus:]

I don't wanna do right, I just want you tonight
Not just only in my dreams
Save my best behavior, for a little later
'Cause I'm only 17
Think i made my mind up, i got time to grow up
Face responsibility
Livin' in the moment, keepin' my heart open
While I'm only 17
(Only 17...)

[Bridge:]
Anyone, who's ever been in love
Has got to know
What it means to have a dream
And no one can say anything
To change my mind, no, not this time

I don't wanna do right, I just want you tonight
Not just only in my dreams
Save my best behavior, for a little later
'Cause I'm only 17
Think i made my mind up, i got time to grow up
Face responsibility
Livin' in the moment, keepin' my heart open
While I'm only 17
(Only 17...)

Baby, got time to grow up...
.. to face responsibility...
...hopin'... open...
Cause I'm only 17...

The song that you are listening now. Is 17 by Mandy Moore.
It has loads of hidden meaning.
And also lessons about life.
Moreover, im still 17 as of now..
My 18th berthday is coming up in a few weeks.
Lazy to count the exact number of days..
Haha..

Have a good day people!

Love love!

WTB!

2008-08-16T23:44:00.002+08:00

Who am i to trust now?

I saw it.
I saw those pictures.
You know that i still miSs him.
And you had contacts with him.
Without even telling me about it.
You even went out with his friend.
And amazingly im like the last to know.
How sad.
I thought that we could at least be of close friends after everyone left the clique.
But hey look! Now, who is leaving!
For instance, you promised to return my call when i was need.
But DID YOU?!

And you dare saying that im someone important to you.
How TRUE!

And yes! I've changed.
the same way you did.
and the same way he did.

Im just freaking dissappointed now.
I truely wonder if things about me get spread around to the new peeeps.

Now again, i asks myself..
who am i to trust?
and whose side are you in?

Perhaps an explaination will do.
On wads going on with your life.
Which will answer volumes,
to the questions in my head.

08.08.08 (Unlucky day)

2008-08-09T00:34:00.004+08:00

Luck is just not by myside this month .

After many many months of independence and freedom, i've finally lost everything.
I've lost the trust tat i had built with my mom. And the package that comes together with the trust, is gone.

Now, i have to abide with these rules:

I have to be home by 11pm sharp.
Bcos of that, i cannot sleepover anyone;'s house again.
No one is allowed to sleepover my house.
I have to spend more time at home to teach my siblings.
I have to report my whereabouts at night.
I have to go to religious classes
I have to start praying.
I cannot be in any more relationships.
I MUST TURN STRAIGHT.

Yes. She found out. And she is convinced. And of course, she prayed that things end between me and him. And her prayers got answered amaazingly fast! Mom OH mom..

Luck is just not by myside this month.

Its damn sad to know, that my license to independence, which i own ever since being graduated from secondary school, is being revoked a few weeks before i turned 18! How sway is that! Sigh. I will most likely abide to the rules cos i love my mom and she is doing all this for my benefit. But being a rebellious and strong-headed person that i am, i MAY break some of the rules!..

*Suddenly feel emo*

Luck is just not by myside this month

I really have no mood to talk much. Neither do i have mood to go out .this month. Maybe i shall just spend my august at home. And watch august rush again and again, while thinking of the two guys i watched it with months ago. The two that i have had feelings for. The two that have left me high and dry.

Luck is just not by myside this month .

As for my birthday. Hiya. Just forget it. Its just an ordinary day of the year, where someone extraordinary was born. Nothing much really. On top of that, my accounting paper is just a few hours before my birthday. So i'll be in the study mode. So Dont bother making any surprises for me. Cos i will spend my nights at home with my new invinsible friend.

If there's one thing i can have for my birthday, i want to be happy with the ones i love. Truely.

But then again, Luck is just not by myside this month..

Individual Assignment for Business Etiquette and Service Excellence

2008-08-08T13:10:00.002+08:00

Hey guys!
Here's the link to my reflections.
Do take a look yeah!
And do give ure honest feedback yeah!
My grades depend on it=)

CLICK HERE NOW PLEASE! HAHA!

SUGARLOAF!

2008-08-07T23:48:00.002+08:00

Hey Guys! Drop by Sugarloaf at Temasek Culinary Academy on Monday 11th August and support us for our final wek project! Our grades depend on it.. So do come yeah! haha!

I love you..

2008-08-02T22:00:00.003+08:00

Dear Mom,

Im very sorry to dissappoint you. Im very sorry to cause you all the hurt. But for once, i need to make my own independent decision.

Its not that i do not want what you offered. Its just that i prefer the most trusted, most technical way. God asks of us to pray and work for our goal. I prayed and now, my choice, is the form of effort to achieve my goal. Yours, is merely a form of praying and praying and praying without doing much effort, on your part.

So after careful thoughts, ive decided that i will go for your "therapy session" but i plead that you do not stop me from going for my surgery.

Whadever it is.. im sorry. i love you.

Your son,
Muhammad Haziq.

Plaster.

2008-08-02T01:41:00.002+08:00

Hisyam: Do you have a plaster?
Wati: No i dont. why?
Hisyam: Cos i think ive hurt myself while falling for you..

Sweet raight?
haha..
but very cheesy.

Now, i think i may need a plaster, for falling for a straight guy. and knowing that it may not work. even though there are possiblities for us to try..

Time will tell. Perhaps?

NEW RECORD!

2008-08-01T09:45:00.003+08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Bitches and Bastards,
Bimbos and Himbos,
Lesbians and Gays,
... EVERYONE LA!

*say: wad the BLANK!*

I am once again, honoured to present you the number of my blog's page views for the month of July.

In the month of June, a record was made when there were a total of 879 page views, in which, 352 of them are new readers.

*say: woaaaaahhh!*

However, in July, the numbers smashed the 1000 page views mark, and the numbers reached an astounding 1210! ALMOST A 400 INCREASE! And out of that, 673 are new readers!

*claps pleaseee!*

Nevertheless, i would like to thank everyone who view my blog and special thanks to those who have been giving me encouragement and support through taggs and emails and smses and cards and kisses and hugs and blaablaablaa. Also, the babes and hunks who are super understanding towards me.. LOVE YA ALL!

*say:woohoooss!*
*MORE CLAPS PLEASE!*

Once again, thank you, and i hope im able to keep my readers interest in my blog.
And please.. tagg.
*okay, this part requires you to TAGG!hahaah!*

CAM WHORE IN BUSENSE!

2008-08-01T01:04:00.006+08:00

What can i say?! We were bored during class and we decided to cam whore using my lappie. Ms Paula Mak was being a bitch as always and so i decided to be alittle more disrespectful towards her! haha!

Although theres alot of unglam pics.. i dont care! haha! cos i think everyone looks hot in here! woohoots!

Talking about classes.. i think i did REALLY WELL for my French Roleplay.. heeeehhheeee!

BUSENSE stands for Business Etiquette and Service Excellence. But do u see any etiquette in here?! hahaha! to hell! bye bye!

Pictures for ZHI XIAN Birthday!

2008-08-01T00:36:00.007+08:00

Hahah! i noe its looooong overdue.. but better late than nvr ryte?!
This is the night where i had looads of fun with my crews and shared with them my dirty little secret. Muahaha.. This is also the night when a huge piece of glass pierced my toe and causes alot of blood flowing out of me. *Damn gory! ahaha*

I bought the cake. It was damn nice. Anyway.. we made this competitiion on who can finish eating their cake ferst, without using the hands. AND I CAME IN 2ND! wooohoo!

Little babes!

2 babes+ 1 hunk = THREESOME!

I feel sooo loved man! haha!

Thats all folks!

Au revoir!

PS: HAHAHAAHAHAH! THANKS WEI LING! THE LATENESS OF THE NIGHT IS KILLING MY BRAIN CELLS! HAHAAHA!

City Tours

2008-07-27T00:09:00.002+08:00

CITY TOURS!
I am incredibly overjoyed to have hanged out with the superbly craaazie frens that i have. Anyway.. this post is damn long and may be dry.. cos i have yetto recieve the pics that we took. haha. so, i dont really care if u read it or not. muahhahaa!

The school's city tour was rather expectedly boring. but i learnt quite alot of things tough. The guide was damn good~ very knowledgeable, very articulate and competent. He refreshed our minds on the history of Singapore and he managed to correct some miths (that we Singaporeans) have about Singapore. On the other hand, I realise that my malay totally SUCKS! Like for instance, he asked me(being the only melayu in the bus) what "harimau" is. And i went totally blank! Then, i felt the pressure as everyone was looking at me and waiting for me. The first thought that came to my mind was lion. And so i confidently shouted out LION! haha. But then.. to my total embarrassment, its actually a TIGER! Like wad the BLANK! aahahaah! damn paiseh! So much for having an A1 for Malay O LVLS! Damn! Shows how much i use Anglais in my daily life..

Now, before i start elaborating about the fun part.. i shall show u the itinerary:
The green coloured words are conducted by the school's city tour, while the ones in blue is by my group of crazzziee frens!

Home> Temasek Polytechnic > F1 Route> Esplanade> Merlion Park> Suntec City> Kampong Glam> Little India> Chinatown> Bugis> Kampong Glam> Raffles Hotel> Kampong Glam> Esplanade> City Hall> Dhoby Ghaut> SMU> Home

I left house in the morning at about 7.45am with bf cos he slept over my place. And reached home at 12.30am. Haha.

After we are dimissed at Chinatown, i wanted to visit the Buddha's Tooth Relic Temple cos its damn nice! Very solemn and calming. Anyway.. i didnt get to and thus, Naomi, Amanda and i took bus 12 to bugis to meet up with Juz, Pete, Brie and the rest for lunch. Azni and XR joined us shortly after and we had my favourite cuisine for Lunch. Yummy! I had 2 servings of noodles and i felt guilty after that.

After lunch, we met up with Ridwan, Pris, and HJ to go walk around. We all went to the super huge costume shop where they toook loooads of pics in it. haha. There are loooads and loooads of funny looking things there. From a tie with the shape of a dick, to a condom-shaped mascot! ahhahaah! damn funny! and i was hugging it! ahaha..

Okay then.. we had tea at Raffles Hospital Coffee beans where i learned how to wear a scarf. Muahaha. i loook hot in it i tell you! ahhaa.. We had a bitching session about gays and all and i realised that allloooooooot of ppl know about me now. *winks to brie and pris!*ahahahh! anyway.. Juz, XR and HJ left us while Pete's fren joined us.

His name is.. OMG! I FORGOT! lets just call him Mr Cute. Hahah. And yes! he is cute! very charming too! We had dinner with him at some very nice indian cuisine restaurant. We were talking and talking and talking when suddenly we came to the topic about age. Den, mr cutie said that he is turning 20 tomorrow. And our dear MR HONG KONG PETE DONT EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT! Like wad kind of fren is that! hahahah! So, Pris and i excused ourselves to buy him a cake.. and we ran here and there, searching for a pastry shop, only to realise that the Coffee bean we were in SELLS CAKES! hahah. so we ranthere, buy cake. and went back. We sang a birthday song for him and THE WHOLE RESTAURANT SANG ALONG! HOW COOOL IS THAT!

After dinner, Ridwan left us cos he is meeting his frens, and the rest of us walked to esplanade. We managed to talk alot in the walk. From gayism(again) to school, and many more la. Den den den.. pete started singing horibly. i think he is tone death or sumthing! hahahaha! *he is sooo gonna kill me after reading this!* Anyway.. surprisingly, mr cutie sang well. hahas. and on top of that, he sang a malay song (belaian jiwa) for me.. damn sweeet raight! i was mesmorised by his charm... heeeheeheee!

Slacked around at esplanade to watch fireworks. we walked alll the way there, fully excited and all.. but to our dismay... they dont have it.. sadness. chatted for awhile and pete and mr cutie took their leave to celebrate mr cutie's birthday with their otehr frens..

**Getting tired of typing**
The rest of us headed to SMU to watch hisyam perform but we left shortly after cos his performance is at 11.30pm.

Yeah.. all in all, i had loaads of fun and ive learnt alot in the process. Moreover, the tour just bonded all of us together and SOMEHOW, this TOUR, is the HIGHLIGHT of this SEM!

Okay.. thats all folks.

Sleepover

2008-07-25T09:31:00.001+08:00

Here i am.. at juz house.
Blogging this short and sweet post.

Im at Juz House now and im blogging.
This is my second sleepover here and BOY i tell you, i had loads of fun with all the crazy company.

I know i havent been sharing with ya all much about events in my life for the past 2 weeks. Thus, i will, like previously, write down the main points now, and post the details in the future post.

Headwaiter Sugarloaf
Sleepover 1 at Juz place
PACEsetter Training
Dinner at Azni place
Sleepover 2 at Juz place
Birthday Calebration
City Tours
My new gf and bf

Heeheeee! Okay thats all.. Keeping the suspense for later..

im just plain lazyy..

Someone new..

2008-07-22T22:55:00.004+08:00

I know its odd.
I know its new.
But love is wierd.
And wad can i do?

Im only human.
Playing life's game,
and trying my luck,
To get through you..

But then i'd rather
have you as a friend.
Cos you are unlike
the state that i'm in.

Perhaps its true,
from the result of
the test that i took.
I put you in red,
out of everyone else.

When i saw the result,
i was laughing me ass off,
thinking that it is not possible,
for me and you.

Months later,
after taking the test,
its somehow coming true.
Amazing yet wierd..
Just like my feelings for you.

(The test that i took a couple of months ago)
http://memoriter.net/flash/test.html

Indeed, its true..
That im falling for you..
Mr Gee..

A walk to remember!

2008-07-20T01:48:00.004+08:00

A Walk to Remember

The song that you are listening now, is a song sang by Mandy Moore in this movie..
Cry by Mandy Moore
I'll always remember
it was late afternoon
It lasted forever
And ended so soon
You were all by yourself
Staring up at a dark gray sky
I was changed

Chorus
In places no one will find
All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)
It was then that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry
It was late in September
And I'd seen you before
You were always the cold one
But I was never that sure
You were all by yourself
Staring up at a dark gray sky
I was changed

Chorus

I wanted to hold you
I wanted to make it go away
I wanted to know you
I wanted to make your everything, alright
I'll always remember...
Itwas late afternoon
in places no one will find

Chorus 2xs
The moment I saw you cry
I wanted to know you

Only Hope by Mandy Moore
There's a song that's inside of my soul.
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold.
But you sing to me over and over and over again.
So, I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.

Sing to me the song of the stars.
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again.
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray,
to be only yours I know now, you're my only hope.

I give you my destiny.
I'm giving you all of me.
I want your symphony, singing in all that
I am At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.

The movie is about a man who changes his life for the one he loves, and goes all out to make his love happy. While at the same time, sacrificing himself and his future, knowing that she will die soon.

I watched this show with Kenny a couple of months ago. Its his favourite movie. And im glad that he watched it once again with me. For that moment, after watching this with him, i feel so... IN LOVE. Yeah.. And recently.. i was listening to the songs in the movie at busense claass and i fell in love with it. haha.

Anyway.. go watch it alright. Its damn nice! Very romantic. And i will most definitely watch this with my next love!

I rate this movie..
5/5!

HAPPY 19TH BIRHDAY BRYAN!

2008-07-18T20:55:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRYAN!

Hey bro! Knowing you, is one of the best blessings in my life.
In the very short months that i know you,
You've helped me in aloot of ways that i just cant repay.
You were like my bridge to the AJ life.
And i really appreciate everything that you have done for me.

Quote:
Boyfriends come and go.
Good friends stay with you FOREVER!

Simplicity.

2008-07-13T14:46:00.003+08:00

The moment when i wake up,
you are the first that comes to my mind.
This has been going on for quite a few days.
My days will be filled of thougs of you.
Even though im busy with work,
the thought of you being with me one day,
calms me down, and drives me to do my best.

But then again,
Even though there is still love for you n my heart,
i dont think i can accept you again.
I just dont wanna be hurt by you again.
All i pray for now, is that im able to move on with my life.

And more importantly,
i just pray that...
No one would get hurt by your empty promises.
And your shallow perception of Love.

Cos LOVE,
is a simple thing.
But its people like YOU,
who makes it complicated.
WHY?!
Because you are not true to your words.
Thus, raising the expectaions of your partner
and making him commit to a promise that YOU YOURSELF know that you cant commit.
And that YOU YOURSELF, lied your way through the relationship.

A quote from India Aire:
"The art of simplicity simply means making peace with your complexity."

Week of crap.

2008-07-12T14:11:00.003+08:00

Been very busy lately.
Alot of things going on in my life.
In my effort to keep calm and take a step at a time,
I've diassappointed some people.

Anyway, my main priority now is my family.
I just hope that history wont repeat itself.
I rather lose the one i love than losing my family.
They are my pillar ossf support.
My backbone to my life.
That bitch deserves to be condemned in hell.
And suffer throughout her life.
BLACK MAGIC PEOPLE!
THAT BITCH USES BLACK MAGIC ON MY DAD TO LOVE HER!
How cruel! Our once happy family might be once again destroyed in the hands of the bitch!
HATE U FUCKER!

Anway.. had a conversation with dad the other day..
I was convincing him tostay and not leave the house.
Then.. i realise that..
I've gotten a habit from him.
Both of us,
Both father and son,
has the habit.
of remembering special events in our lives.
Even to the very detail.
Its not that we cannot forget.
BUT.
It is that we CHOOSES to remember.
Now thats why its kinda difficult to forget kenny!

Anyway..
I'll be kinda busy this week.
Alot of things to do.
1)Planning for Pacesetter training and execution.
2)Planning for Sugar Loaf operation as im the headwaiter
3)BUSENSE PPT and speech
4)TTO PPT and speech
5)Planning for French Role Play
6)Planning for July Babies Birthday Celebration
7)Accounting Test
ALL THIS IN ONE WEEK! LIKE WTF!

On top of all these, i have to do my duty as a brother and lead my siblings in this dificult time. Especially my brother, whom i've neglected quite alot. Cos he is going thru his PSLE this year.

Im just scared that he wont be able to cope with all this family problem the way i succssfully did when i was taking my O levels. I just dont want him to fail. Sigh.

Anyway had CYA just now.
i was stationed at central counter.
i was helping and helping ppl.
den suddenly..
one lady came to me and..
"Annyonghasayo"
den i was like..
err hello.
den she..
"blaBLAbla(in korean)"
den i was like..
HUUUH?!
den she used her finger to show the smoking sign.
den without any cause..
i started laughing.
ahaha
so i showed her to the smoking area.
and she ws like..
"Kamsamida. Kamsamida."

Haha.

I told GF of the incident.
And i was reminded by the fact that
4 out of 5 korean teenagers
have gone through
PLASTIC SURGERY!

Haha! damn funny!
Nowander allot of koreans are so cute.
Imagine all of them before the surgery.
Imagine how much cuter they are!
OH OH! JUST SO U KNOW..
CUTE MEANS FUGLY yet adorable in the dictionary.
So imagine how CUTE they are before the surgery~!

HAHAHA
im soo bad.
im sorry im sorry.
And! he funny thing..
i just read u-noe-who's blog.
and sumone said that he looks korean!
HAHAHAA!
go check it out!

Okay.. enuff crapp already.
I just hope i wont get sued by anyone.

Quote of the day:
All guys will hurt you. You just have to choose which one is worth the pain.

Article from trevvy: EX STORIES

2008-07-09T00:57:00.001+08:00

Read this!

http://www.trevvy.com/scoops/article.php?a_id=363&c_id=3

...Ultimately, ex-partners are guardians of our past, a treasure-trove of emotions and experiences, ups and downs, that we wish we could lock up and throw away the key. With every relationship, you grow and learn, and with every heart-break, you grow stronger (or in most cases, just jaded).

Love them, hate them, treasure them, ignore them, include them, block them… whatever it is that you do, it is an indicator of how much the person once meant to you. Or did not mean to you.

Mundaneeee

2008-07-08T20:40:00.003+08:00

Hey Guys.

Firstly, i hope you guys like my new blog now. Added songs. Changed alot here and there. Hope u like it.

Anyway.. had ssm yesterday. I think i did my job well till the screw up part in which it wasnt even my fault. The stooopid SAA staffs dont bloody know how to come on time and because ofthat, there is an error in the numbering, which leads to the bouncing off of my bloody captian's order!

Then then, there was a period of time when my station was sooo damn effed up busy that we just dont know what to do first! Its like, there are food to collect at the kitchen, then there are setings to be done, den there is coffee to collect at the bar. And there is appetisers to be cleared. AND worst, there is a table who wants to order. And on top of all these pressure, Mr Tai was standing there and asking me to do the not-so important things like refilling the drinks. like WTF!

So, sabrina, ruhui and i did our best and prioritise wad needs to be done first. After the whole wreckage, we were damn exhausted and somehow relieved That its over. One thing that i have to say, is that we had good teamwork cos everyone is covering for each other and anticipates the next move.

But then again.. i enjoyed myself while serving a few tables as i was able to have conversations and interact with the guests. i even joke around with them.

The sad part is that the restaurant lost about 10 chopsticks stand which costs $20 each. So, we rummage through the bin using our bare hands to find it. But to no avail.

During the debrief, i was damn tired, Damn dirty, and definitely not in the mood. Then, that mr goh must purposely pick on us and say that we have no teamwork la no unity la. BULLSHIT! I was like saying "NONSENSE" under my breath! We do have teamwork wad! the whole group of us went to the bin and look through the stoooooooopid chopstick stand at our own initiative! damn it la! all he knows is to pick on ppl! always negative!.

Den, he was picking on me especially cos he caught me eating at the stewarding room. But lucky he didnt tekan me soo much. if not, i would have blown all thats in me and shout at him back. But still, i manage to coool myself.

After the whole thing, he singled me out and said that he has high expectations on me or sumthing abd that i dissappointed him. Like come on la! its just one bite! everone do it! especially eileen! haha! but then again... its my fault la.. i shouldnt have done it. BUT...just my luck!

Today, woke up at 12. Had accounting tutorial at 3. We were picking on sumone throughout the whole tutorial and we were laughing like allot! haha. den, had dinner with daryl at swensens. bought the student meal each with desserts.

And i get to learn aloot about him. He is a very funny guy, very random. talks aloot. very good memory. haha! and he is just sooo fun to be with. cos he is very independent. Unlike sum other ppl who only goes out with their cliques. (u noe who!)

Den, we were talking about random things like cars. policemen, cisco gaurds. and that he wanted to be a traffic police, and air fighter. and many more. WE were also bitching about the ppl in our class! haha! damn funny!

When paying for the food, we realise that they undercharged us. We paid like only 20 plus when we were supposed to pay 30 pluss. WE BOUGHT 3 STUDENTS MEAL LEH! AND THEY CHARGE US ONLY 2! haha!

Then after, we went to courts to look for fones and went to toys r us to look at toys! he had a great imagination i tell u! and he has a very analytical mind! like he knows what toy is for wad. and im very impressed that he knws how to play aloot of them! (Shows the good childhood he had!)

So here i am. At home. taking to bryan. Bidding him farewell cos he is leaving to austria for his choir thingy. Hope he enjoys himself! Bye BRO! I'll miss you=)

New Look!

2008-07-06T23:33:00.003+08:00

YaY!
Finally!
After almost a year of not changing..
i finally did.
The last time it was changed, Ulfah did it for me.
Then now, ive learnt how to do it myself!
ahaaha.

I asked kenny to help me change a few months ago.
but he lazy.
the same reason why i didnt edit his resume for him.
ahaha!

It took me more that 4 hours to mae it look like this.
I changed alot of things lke font, colour, background, and a few more.
I also added a personal touch to it.

So now...
can u guys comment wheter u like it or not.
and give me suggestions to improve it better
=)

Untill then.

Haziq

Dear diary..

2008-07-06T17:37:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary..

OK. Before i start sharing about the past few days... i wanna let go my anger and frustration!

ARRRRRGHHH! DAMMN! @%$#@@*q@@^%@*$%#$*$#$*!!!!!
I MISSED MY BLOOOOODY FRENCH ONLINE QUIZ! TEN PERCENT LEH! CHHEEEE B**!
THERE GOES MY DISTINCTION!
DAMN IT LA!
FC*K!

*Deeeeeep breath..*
Okay haziq. Keep calm.
Its OVER.

4th Julliet
I overslept and ended up missing accounts lecture. Then, went to school to finish up and hand in TTO and BOE project. After that, went for the field trip thingy to take pictures of the whole group.

Joined the HO1's for Peter's belated birthday celebration at minds cafe. And we surprised him with a cake. Then, we went to clake quay and this is where all the interesting things started..
We were passing by G-max and watched a couple being flung up into the sky. Den den.. Ridwan wanted to try it out too. but there were no one to accompany him. so.. the ladies were like encouraging the otehr guys namely brie, ryun kiat, peter, daryl and i to join. But then.. none of us wanted. Then.. Ridwan said that he will pay half the price for whoever who joins him. It took me alooot of encouragement, determination, risk and sacrifice to agree.

And now, after sitting down by the river, and watching people riding it, i get to experience and feel itfirst hand. hahas.So as Ridwan, myself and another ho1 stepped onto the thingy.. my heart went dubb dubb. it was beating sooo fast and hard that i couldnt control myself from screaming, even before it started! haha! soo looser la!

We took the swing thingy cos ridwan insisted on it as he is the wan paying.. haha. so as the thngy go higher and higher our hearts beat faster and harder. 2 angmohs on the left were consoling us and they were saying like.. the worst that can ever ever happen to us is that.. we just die.

and suddenly, without any warning, the thingy is released..

in total shock, and fearing death, We plunged down to earth at 3G Force! Our screams were barely audible as it was too fast. Only during the second swing, we managed to cream to our hearts content. I was like screaming, "I LOVE M______!" again and again. hahaas. Its an experience of a life time!

When we got safely back on ground, i thought through wad he said.
"The worst that can happen is that we die"
Its damn true lorr..
Reminds me of my quote:
"Whatever matter that don't kill you, makes you a better person."
And here i am, alive, and is somewhat stronger and better than what i used to be. It makes me look at life at a whole new perspective.

After that, i left for elm to celebrate zhi xian's birthday.

But before i elaborate, read this 2 blogs first:

Jessica: http://rainbow-kie.blogspot.com
Zhi Xianan(Birthday Girl): http://my-illusiions.blogspot.com/

And so you've been told, we partay-ed in the "rain" till i carelessly stepped onto a glass and had a deeep cut. They ask me go see doctor but i dunt feel like it. You know why? Cos the worst that can happen to me.. is that i die wad. hahaa.

5th Julliet

Went out with GF yesterday.

Watched Handcock at Cinelesuire. It was a rather average movie. Cos i kiinda expected better. then after, we went to vivo to buy a tagger bag. i had the 50% discount voucher thanks to my participation at the addidas sundown marathon. I bought:

2 designer flaps
1 bag
1 stap
1 shoulder pad

The total after discount, is $116.40. Which means.. i saved $116.40! WooHoo! haha!v

On payment.. my card got rejected cos got not enough money. The balance was $95.60.So, we walked all the way to my the atm so that GF can deposit $20 into my account. But then.. after deposting, we reealise that i am short of $1! ARGH!

So i called my mom to transfer next week's money into account and went to pay for the bag. haha. damn paiseh.

So, for this week, i am left with $20 to spend! argh!
But its worth the starve la. cos i get to save 116.40! ahah!

Then after, we went to airport for cya..

Oh oh! i also bought a very nice anklet at cine a few days ago with sumone. ahah. damn nice!

Love,
Haziq

Highlights for upcoming post..

2008-07-06T00:07:00.004+08:00

Okay..

Theres a billion and one things that is sooo worth mentioning.
but i am just too tired to type.
But then again.. i dont want to disappoint my readers..
So i shall give s few highlights of the post to come:

3 birthdays
2 cakes
G-max
Blood
Anklet =)
Handcock
Tagger Bag =)

Anyway.. i wanna introduce this song to my readers.

The Call..

I dedicate this song specially to you know who and Robert.
Yes, you robert! My great fan!
Cos i know u like it too..
;)

I became a tourist.

2008-07-03T19:53:00.004+08:00

Went to Chinatown yesterday.
YES. You got it right. CHINATOWN!

After school at 2, Daryl, Alicious and i went there for a field trip for our project. We were walking around in the hot sun in suits and everyone was staring at us! haha. I felt like im in an alien land. thus, daryl and alicious brought me around. Went to the chinatown heriage centre and they were like showing me and explaining to me everything thats inside! and good tour guides there were!

Next, went to the buddha tooth relic, one ofthe hollies temple in singapore. the place is damn serene and solemn. it makes ure heart uneasy at ferst but then.. sumhow.. the atmosphere will calm u down and relex ure soul. The intricate design of each details is a wonder to the eyes. Gold, is splurged everywhere which sumhow explains why there were like cisco gaurds around! Oh oH! more importantly, it is wheelchair friendly, which makes the place suitable for our target market!

Then, we went to newamajestic hotel to tour around. the guy is damn nice, answering each question in great detail. The hotel is very nice for its cheap rate. very artistic. suits the theme and budget of our project. however, the place is abit too small. we were also given a tour around the bar and we even got the previllage to enter the private function room in the bar! it was an amazing experience i shall say! thanks to the staffs for it=)

Anyway.. right after, i met sean for dinner at dhoby ghaut. and i suggested the foodcourts at far east as it is more affortable. while talking and walking, kenny and sandra(his cousin) walked passed us.

Half of me, wanted to shout their names and say hi. But the other half dares not. So as i took time to think, they walked further and further away. Then at last, i decided to run to them. But sumhow, a GREAT strength came to me, and i turned around. and TOOK A HUGE, LOUD step forward and continued walking away. Im somewhat happy that i was able to do that. Like.. woaah! so, i told myself.. MOVEON.

But then arr. the after effects are damn scarry. my mood changes. my appitite falls. and i get very nervous. and my mind cant stop thinking of him.

I gave sandra a simple sms saying that i saw them and smsed with her alittle bit. =)

Point of the whole post:

Had a great time touring Chinatown.
Doing well in moving on.
I am of great value. He is not.

sandra is gonna kill me when she reads this post! haha!

Record!

2008-07-01T18:51:00.002+08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I am very glad to say,
that last month,
for the first time ever in this blog's history,
the number of page loads reach well above the 500 mark.

The previous record set was in August last year,
partly because of my birthday.
The total number of page loads then,
was 423.

Last month,
Im proud to say that the number of page load was more than twice of that in August.
The numbers reached an amazing 879.
This is due to the posts i had after my breakup with Kenny.
There were a total of 352 new readers for the month basec on cookies and it is rather an alarming number as secrets about myself is now exposed to 352 unidentified people.

Nevertheless, i would like to thank everyone who view my blog and special thanks to those who have ben giving me encouragement and support through taggs and emails.

Thank you, and i hope im able to keep my readers interest in my blog. And please.. tagg.

Haha.

EmmHedge

Imspired..

2008-06-30T18:53:00.002+08:00

For the first time ever that i am in HTM..
I feel AMAZED, INSPIRED, MOTIVATED and EXALTED!
After attending the Service Skils Methodology lecture just now, i somehow felt the sense of motivation that i used to when i first applied for HTM in the JPSAE process.

The way Mr Goh share and explain his experience on suggestive selling, reminds of me the time when i was at Swensens. The memories of me impressing the customers and my managers with my service which even made some customer have regular visits to the restaurant. Not to forget the fat tips the offer!

And now, im even planning to work back there again during the holidays. But of course, i will have to consider some factors first.

Life now is rather hectic with schol, projects, CYA and work. My busy schedule now reminds me of the times where i hold 3 jobs at a time while studying. And somehow, i kinda miss this life! I clearly remember last year, where i achieved soo many things just at the age of 16. Now, after 6 months of slacking.. i shall gambatte and strive for the best!

On a lighter note, i do think of him at times and yes its painful. So.. usually i will cut myself and stop myself from thinking of him. Cos i noe he is not the guy for me. Even so, im happy that i am surely and amazingly moving on. Im no longer emo-ing like i used to before. THREE CHEERS FOR HAZIQ~ HURAAY!

One word to describe my mood: WOAAAH!

Quotes

2008-06-29T10:26:00.002+08:00

Quotes:

Whatever matter that don't kill you, make you a better person.
What goes around comes around.
Boyfriends comeand go. Good friends stay with you longer.
Its not about what you are now. But its about what you've gone through to get there.
The higher you climb, the harder you'll fall.

Im tempted to blog about the events that happened for the past few days. But imjust too lazy.haha.

im not sure of what i want now. i want to go for it. but i dont want, cos i dont wanna hurt you. moreover, im not sure if im able to accept someone new yet.
as for now, i'll just let it flow. maybe time will tell.

Its still here=)

2008-06-27T00:08:00.002+08:00

I've decided.
Im not closing this blog!

Cos..
like wad xxxx said..
this blog is about me.
and belongs to me.
So, i shall keep it running.

Moments ago, i went to the place where we both got together.
And ive shouted out everything thats in my heart. And more importantly, i've learnt to let go.

From now,
i pledge to give my fullest attention and commitment to school. And more importantly, my family.

Recently, there are alot of conflicts going on in my family. and alot of dark hidden secrets too. so perhaps, i should give my mom and sublings moral and emotional support to go through all these.

i just hope that my family can be back to normal and live happily ever after.

haha!

Last Chapter

2008-06-25T20:51:00.003+08:00

Over you by Daughtry

Now that it’s all said and done
I can’t believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
I fell too far, was in way too deep
Guess I let you get the best of meeee

[Chorus]
Well I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, long time agooo!
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really over
I’m finally gettin’ better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you!!!

You took a hammer to these walls
Dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away
There was nothing I could say,
And when you slammed the front door shut
A lot of other’s opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for meee

[Chorus]
Well I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, long time agooo!
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really
finally gettin’ better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you!!!

I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, long time agooo
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
And I never saw it coming
I should have started running
I’m finally getting better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
And I got over you!!!
And I got over you!!!
And I got over you!!!
The day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tomorrow is another 26th.

Its been four months of knowing you.
2 months of great love.
And 2 months of breakup.
Now.. after i've done almost all i can.
After waiting for two damn months.
I WILL MOVE ON!

I will not look back.
As much as i can.
Even though its painful..
but thats wad it is supposed to be.
u make me wonder..
if there really is any true love in the aj society.

Anyway.. im closing this blog on the 26th.
at 11.35pm.
the end of everything.
i wanna say
thank you to all.

to everyone who has supported me.

to all those who have encouraged me.

and special thanks to mr xxxx.

who have guided me in finding out

his true intention.

to the tmg, greg, xr, juz, zach, bryan, for listening to my tales.

to animal farm who has allowed me to have a heart to heart talk with u all.

and everyone la!

haaha.

its been a great journey.

i got to learn a WHOOOLE DAMN LOT about myself.

which i think is a great achievement.

so now.. moving on with my life..

i shall concentrate more time on my family.

my studies.

and hopefully..

that sumone new=)

SO NOW.. I DEDICATE ALL MY POSTS IN THIS BLOG.

TO YOU.

KENNY GOH JUN HAN.

HAVE A GREAT LIFE AHEAD!

GOODBYE!

Analysis..

2008-06-24T22:08:00.005+08:00

Now that its all said and done,
I cant believe you were the one,
Who brought me up and tore me down,
Like an old abandoned house.

Now im very very confused

Allow me to analyse your latest post.

1) The repetition of "you".
In the first paragraph, There are a total of 26 "you"
And in the following paragraphs, there is a total of 8.
So.. 2608? my birthday?

2) The sms.
In your blog, u wrote about an sms that sumone sent the day before.
I smsed you on saturday night for confirmation on the 26th.
I typed, "darling, so how?"
And you posted the blog on monday. but, at 12.20am.
So, perhaps ure unaware of the change in day.

3) The word "again" in your last line.
This shows that he is defnitely one of ure exes.
Ryan, Bobo, Brandon, Sebastian, Warren and Haziq.
U broke off with ryan cos he had sex with sumone.
U broke off with bobo and brandon cos u have no feelings for them.
U broke off with sebastian cos u were after warren and that sebastian is a toot!.
And u broke off with warren cos he had sex with sumone else.
U broke off with me cos u have no time and that u are uncertain of ureself.
So.. its either one of them

Sigh..

But then..
the thing that im damn confuse is..
when i smsed u..
Haziq: Darling, im very emo now.. i miss you damn much. i really hope that i can meet you soon
Kenny: We are friends
Haziq: No we are not!
Kenny: We are!
Haziq: I hate that i love you!
Kenny: Then please don't love. Im sorry to say that. But i really don't want to patch back
Haziq: Why not?
Kenny: Cos i don't wan. Sorry!
Haziq: Do you see the rain? It reflects the tears in my heart. Damn you!

Now u see why im confused?
What the hell is he doing now?!
Playing with my feelings and emotions?!
What the hell is his purpose of all these that he has to hurt me soo much!

"We are friends"

2008-06-24T19:19:00.002+08:00

Moments ago..

i was damn emo..
and i missed him so dan much.
So.. i told him about it.
And all he replies is..
"We are friends"

My heart shattered.
Into a bzillion pieces.
Im tearing now as i write this.

Its just my luck,
to fall for sumone like him.

FUCK HIM!

Argh!

I deserve better!

He is not worth my life!

2008-06-23T22:23:00.002+08:00

Firstly, i wanna say thank you to Michelle, Zhi Xian, Jesicca, Wei Ling, Celeste for making my day by visiting me and allowing me to share with them about things that are deemed "tabboo"(u should noe wad!haha!) And sumhow, im glad that i had a heart to heart talk with them as it sumhow makes me have a selfreflection on the situation in the process.

Secondly, thank you to Stephine, Rhiane, Thaddea for spending time with me and listening to my pronblem.

Thirdly, i wanna say sorry to ben. Im just not interested. Even though ure a great guy and all.. but i dont think we can work together.

Forthly..

Im slowly giving up hope on Kenny.
2/5 of me wants to wait for him cos i still love him even after almost 2 months of breakup.
1/5 of me wants to remain single cos im just afraid of being hurt again.
1/5 of me wants to sumhow turn back straight
1/5 of me wants to give a shot with sumone i just knew.

Sigh..

I havent look at his blog for 3 days already.
Cos.. im just.. scared.
I dunno why.
Its like..
Everytime i go there..
my heart will beat like mad.
The pictures will make my heart swell out of love.
And the background song will make tears stream down my cheeck.

I love him.
And im slowly feeling that he actually don't.
So, im giving him time till the 26th.
And untill now, he still hasnt confirm if he wants to meet me on the 26th or not.

Sigh.

That cheeena Guy!

2008-06-20T10:42:00.002+08:00

Hey hey!

Haha..

Went out with another guy yesterday..
his name is Sean Chan.
At least we are of the same age as compared to the previous.
Hahah..

my ferst impression on him was..
sum ah-beng + nerd + geek
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Niway..
had dinner with him..
and we talked and talked and talked
and and and
i later found out..
HE DON'T EAT BABI.
COS COS COS
HE IS A MUSLIM!

HAAHAH!
I WAS LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!
And he was like..
Dont make me read surah al-fateha to proof to you!
den i was like..
hahahahaAHHAAHAHAHHAAHHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
DAMN FUNNY!

den den..
we share a similar interest..
WE BOTH LOVE TO WALK AIMLESSLY!
So.. we walked from orchard to cityhall.
And we ate ice cream and talk and talk more.

And seriouslyy,
Sean in ONE SUPER DEE DUPER INTELLIGENT KID!
i feel inferior talking to that short-y...
HAHAHHA!

i had a gooooffy great time with u boy!
and i hope to go out with you again!
(that is after we both finished all our projects arr)
hahahaha!

Anyway..
on the serious note..
i asked kenny out on the 26th.
and amazingly..
he said yes.
but then again..
he got to check if he is working.

and that, itself, gives a very suggestive negative answer.

THEN SUDDENLY. RANDOMNESS..

2008-06-17T22:08:00.003+08:00

One moment..
i felt as though im totally over him.
i walked with full confidence
and my heart felt as though im free from all binds.
I went out with a new guy..
who is very sweet.
and his thoughts are very matured.
which really amazes me.

Then suddenly..
today..
my mind cant stop thnking of him
but sumhow..
i managed to surpress everything.
i asked him out for dinner tomoro.
but he never reply..
sigh.
what a loser.
he can never decide on things fast.

I find this..
Meaningful

to ????: wth! do u even noe whads the reason behind the breakup?! i didnt even do anything wrong to him. he verified that himself! you toot! dunno anything den dun anyhow say la! mtf!
to xxxx: thanks for doing it for me =)

million and one things in my mind

2008-06-13T17:42:00.003+08:00

For the past few days..
alot has happened.
Feeling kinda emo these days.
Missing him alot.

THERE ARE A MILLION AND ONE THINGS IN MY MIND. SO THIS POST IS A SCRAMLE OF SOME OF THE THOUGHTS IN MY MIND.

I met with the most unexpected of the unexpected,
and i've been through the wierdest things that i can ever think of.
From a new friend whom i can connect to easily
to the losing of a close bro,
whom i've poured all my secrets to.

Losing that one bro of mine,
is like the end to my link to the aj society.
and my link to Kenny.

He was like the link between each of us.
The massenger.
The bridge.
He helped us alot through our relationship.
Played as the middle man in our fights.
Brought us around when we were together.

But now..
After what happened..
And Even after promising each other that we shall resume our friendship as of before, everything wont be the same again.

Im deeply saddened of the friendship that i've lost.
However, im greatly thankful for all he has done for me and kenny.
And i sincerely apologise if i've hurt him through my blindness.

Now that he is no longer by my side.. i got no one to talk to abt my feelings.
i just hope that sum kind soul would take up the challenge and match make us back together.

the thing is that.. i know that he loves me. but he is just not ready.

Moving on,
i made a new friend.
Her name Jun Jun. And sumhow, we are able to connect well.
She is the first new female friend i have whom im comfortable sharing all my secrets with. She is a very good listener and an even better adviser. I shared about him and the breakup and all. And through her, i've learnt alot.

And after talking and talking to her for soo long, we only realise that we share the same birthday! Haha.

But the thing is.. i cant be close to her as she has a bf. sigh. so i can only talk to her once a week.

The conversations ive had with her realyy clear up and opened up my mind about the whole situation.

Anyway.. i just realised sumthing.

I tend to think too much.
I tend to analyse things too much to such an extend that my assumptions get waaay off board.
And through that.. people around me are getting very pissed and are slowly avoiding me..

sigh..

And let me explain why im closing the blog
1)The intended target audience(kenny) is not reading my posts in which i painstakingly compose.
2)The whole world including my family and frens could find out that im gay even though im open about it to those whom i am close to.
3)I am getting uncertain of myself.

Last straww!

2008-06-10T13:04:00.004+08:00

I dreamt.
For the first time ever.
Of us being together.
And each time i return back to my sleep,
after smiling at the happiness i have seen,
i will dream of him again.
And in total,
i dreamnt of him three times.

And so i smsed him.
Telling him about it.
But all he tell me,
is that he is not sure of himself
and that he is starting to enjoy singlehood.

Out of all the songs in the world,
i dedicate the song Jenny by The Click Five.
For it is a parallel
to the situation im in.

And that reply,
is the last straw.
The last straw to all these pain.
The last straw for all these wait.

Now im hanging on a thread.
Thinking to either leave him completely.
Or shall i stick to my word.
Comments are welcome.
So does suggestions.

Cos when i've decided on my decision,
and if the decision is to leave,
i will leave his domain.
as well as mine.

Just so you know,
you've all entered my domain.
By reading my posts.
By entering my personal space.
And Just so yo know..
this blog,
is named
EmmHedge's Domain.

So people!
Should i..

Or should i..

???

I will give myself one week to decide.
So tell me ure stand on it.
And convince me as much as u can.
For this may be the first and last time
you all can do it.

Kenny by The Click Five

2008-06-10T00:51:00.007+08:00

KENNY BY THE CLICK FIVE

He calls me baby, then he won't call me.
Says he adores me and then ignores me.
Kenny, what's the problem?
he keeps his distance and sits on fences.
Puts up resistance and builds defenses.

Kenny, what's the problem?
You leave me hanging on the line.
Every time you change your mind.

First You say you won't, then you say you will.
You keep me hanging on, and we're not moving on.
We're standing still, Kenny. You got me on my knees.
Kenny, it's killing me.

He needs his own space. He's playing mind games.
Ends up at my place saying that He's changed.
Kenny, what's the problem?
I'm trying to read between the lines.
You got me going out of my mind.

First, you say you won't, then you say you will.
You keep me hanging on, and we're not moving on.
We're standing still, Kenny. You got me on my knees.
Kenny, it's killing me. It's killing me. It's killing me.
Kenny.

First, you say you won't, then you say you will.
You keep me hanging on, and we're not moving on.
We're standing still, Kenny. You got me on my knees.
Kenny.

First, you say you won't, then you say you will.
You keep me hanging on, and we're not moving on.
We're standing still, Kenny. You got me on my knees.
Kenny. It's killing me. It's killing me. kenny.

Im back.

2008-06-08T16:51:00.002+08:00

My heart wasn't there.
And so, i decided to cut the trip short.

Overall, it was a fun, eye-openining and memorable trip.

So now..

PROJECTS! HERE I COME!

Farewell

2008-06-03T22:07:00.003+08:00

Monday.
It all ended.
And i am the very first few to be free from the bounds of tests and exams.

I don't really blog about my daily lives to brag about how great my life is(like some ppl do) nor do i bitch about sumone else to satisfy my bitchy-ness(ive seen alot of those recently!).

Anyway..my friends and i torned at town last night and i just want to say that i had a FREAKING GREAT TIME with juz, xiang rong, and all other new friends (whose names have slipped my mind) who were there! And i hope that we can go out with each otehr more often! Keep in touch yeah!Haha.

Anyway.. on the serious note.. i will be leaving tomoro morning. im sick and tired of this life and i realise that i need a time off all the pressure of life in sg and of course from the breakup. Im not sure when im coming back myself.

And.. i hope that through my absence, sumthing changes his mind.

Be well my dear. Take care of ureself. You will always be in my heart. Like im in yours.

And to all the anonymous readers out there.. take care of yourself. And if im not home by one week, means that sumthing has happened to me.

Love,
Muhammad Haziq

Deep and Meaningless

2008-06-03T16:20:00.004+08:00

Take a moment.
To listen to this.
And if you know this song..
Take time to reflect.
And if you are the one i am refering to,
you should feel the pinch.

Deep and Meaningless by Rooster
I, I dont know why i miss you so much
Yeah I, I dont know why I still feel your touch
You, you left me feeling high and dry
With nothing, nothing but the question why
Yeah you, I guess you had another direction
And leaving me with nothing but a dead connection

[Chorus:]
If you call me today
Ill say that Im fine
But I bet you can tell by the tone of my voice
Its just a lie
You knew what you had
You still walked away leaving me in this mess
My love for you is deep and meaningless

You, you knew what you were doing to me
And I, I guess I was too blind to see
Well you hit where it hurt and you fooled me so bad
But I'd do it again to relive what we had
(Damn thats sad)
There are many things left to remind me
Of a love that I just cant leave behind me

[Chorus (repeat)]

Now, for the first time since i heard this song with you, i am able to comprehend it. And relate it to the current status of our relationship.

I know that after hearing this song once more, there are a thousand thoughts running through your head. From ure exes that u have left. To the actions that you've done.

Same goes to me. But in Millions. There are soo many things that i want to say, but i just cant compose it down to words. I should have seen this coming when you introduced me this song. But i was just too blinded by your love. And now, i know why i have always not like it everytime you play this song..

Loving you is like loving sumone in comma, knowing that he loves you, but you can't have him cause he is not "alive". But the thing is.. i CAN be back with you. Its just a matter of your choice.To either remain in that state for the rest of your life, or gain conscious and be reunited with the ones you love.

And gosh! i just realise.. why bother writing soo much about you when you dont even visit my blog! All the words will be of waste. I doubt that you even read my blog cause you are in the state of "comma" and you chose to be in it.

I love you so much. But its rather meaningless if you dont give it back when you have the choice to do so.

Birthday Babes!

2008-05-27T17:17:00.006+08:00

This shall be my first Entry
With real live pictures
Of me and my babes.

They've helped me alot

in many aspects of my life.

And more importantly,

with the Breakup.

Thank You

TMG!

Happy 18th Birthday Naomi N Wan Xin!

It was fun i shall say.
We had many plans but we got soo little time to execute it.
So, on Naomi's recommendation,
we decided on..

We walked all the way from Summerset MRT North-wards and by the time we reached there.. i was sweating like a cow~! haha. Niways..We took a couple of pictures at the entrance but sadly.. i have yet to recieve it cos everyone is too busy with tests. So.. i cant post it here.

We ordered only two ala cartes namely the.. erh.. let me think.. OH! The HardRock Nachos Thingy. And The HardRock Half Chicken Thingy! (haha! my discriptions of the names are a Turn Off!) Hahaha.

We managed to Camwhore abit. Nono. Alot! So here are the pictures!

We had a 4 course cake selection for our dessert at NYDC.

This is whad gerls do in the toilet.

OKAY! Just so you know! I waited like 20 min for them!

Hahaha.

Anyway.. i had a jolly great time with you ladies.
I hope that we could go out together soon!

AND MY GIRLFRIEND(NIROSHA)
DIDNT GO..

Sobss..

HAHA.

Zero, Un, Deaux, Trois and counting..

2008-05-26T21:57:00.004+08:00

3 Chapters. And Counting.

As of today.
On the 26th of May.
At 11.35pm.
It was three months.
It was three months when we were first together...

Introduction.
It was the day before my final paper.
I was so damn deeply moved by you,
that i invited you to sleepover my house.
I made the decision not to mugg for my exam
and instead, i decided to spend the night with your company.
I brought you to the park.
Where the moon and stars were visible.
We chatted about our lives
and our previous relationship(s).
And as we talked..
sumhow..
i feel so emotionally attatched to you.
That i thought it was love.
And so..
At 11.35pm.
On the 26th February.
At the stage of Seashell Park,
we got attached.

Chapter Un(One)
We celebrated our first month
on a scenic venue.
Vivocity was the place
we chose by default.
As i planned to catch a show
called Songs of the Sea.
But nature wasn't on our side
that very night.
As the clouds were grey
and the lightnings strike.
We were all alone.
Just the both of us.
Enjoying the calm night
and the serenity of the sky.
I laid on your lap,
being thankful
for the love i have found.
I promised you my love
and u promised me your's.
And i fell deeper
into your heart.

Chapter Deaux(Two)
You started school
and everything changed.
You were cold.
As cold as the arctics.
My flame to melt
didn't cause much heat
to bring you back into my arms.
I missed you.
I missed you bad.
On the 26th of March.
After two months of being together.
I forced myself out of bed.
and took the last bus to your domain
And for once in my life,
i feel like a stranger being there.

And after meeting.
We agreed.
To remain as friends.
And we proceed
with our own lives.
and our separate ways.

Painful i proclaim!
And torturous it was.
It seemed as though
the snow storm
had just came
Being so deeply in love
and then now its gone.
I was unstable
I was in distraught,
I was at the verge
of insanity.
But i kept calm.
And kept it all in.
With the help of my peers
and my loving sis.

Chapter Trois(Three)
After one month
of breaking up.
My love for you
have not subside.
I've heard of roumours
that you will never patch up
with the one's you've ditched.
And i stand firm.
to break that curse.
To get rid of the labels
that people have put upon you.

I noe you love me.
You always do.
And i love you the same
like the way you do.
So i shall wait
for your thoughts
to calm.
And i stand firm
to my decisions now.
That i will wait for you
As i love you
and that i know
that you do too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Don't take too long to say i love you to the ones you love. Because time has the habit of moving away. And i want you here tonight and i need you by my side for just one more moment. For just one more moment with you"
-One moment by Ronin

My Spot..

2008-05-24T20:18:00.004+08:00

Here i am.
Sitting on this spot.
The spot where i retreat
after a hard day of work.
The spot where i mugg
to prepare for exams.
The spot where i think through
the events in the past.

Here i am.
Blogging on this spot.
Recalling the last time
i sat here and rot.
I think through the events
that had happened since
i sat on this spot.

Exams.
Movies.
Outings.
Camps.
Duties.
Work.
and the daily events like :
Eat
Sleep
School.
But one thing that hit me most
is the fact that i was in a relationship.

And now, sitting on this spot,
this favourite spot of mine,
Listening to my favourite songs
and occasionally his favourite's,
I shall pen down the biggest event of all.

The relationship.

For the first time in my life,
i truely understand the meaning
of being in a relationship.
The love
The romance
The responsibilities
The sacrifices
The ache
The fun
and more importantly,
the joy of being together.

But good things have to come to an end
Thus, the breakup.

And i soon realise..
that i don't really know myself.
I don't know what i want from the relaionship.
And i don't know what to expect in life.

And i don't know what i want from the other half.
And i don't know what is the direction i want to persue.

So somehow,
the breakup
is like a blesing in disguise.
I never get to learn
this much about myself,
my personality,
my attitude,
my behaviour,
my ability to accept changes
and more importantly,
my ability to forget love
and move on.

Yes its tough to move on
the aching of the heart
evertime i think of hir
everytime i hear the name
everytime i go to places where we once went.

But its inevitable.
Life must go on.
I learn to suck it in.
Suck it all, deeeep in.
And then releasing it out
beliving that hi is not worth my love.

But then again, i do hope
that we could fulfil each our promise.
To be our first.
And soon..
Each other's Last..

OH MY CAT!

2008-05-19T21:31:00.003+08:00

That bitch!
You've never liked my cat.
You treat him as though he is a nuisance to you.
You lock him in the kitchen at night.
Not giving him love.

Then today, was the last straw!
You let it go out.
But didnt bother to bring him back in.
You locked him out!

Then, when he tried to climb in,
his leg got stuck in the middle of the grills.
He was moaning profusely in pain,
and when we opened the door,
he was hanging upside down,
his leg, bearing all his weight.

The whole house was at a panic.

I tried letting him lose
but he scratched me.
He bit me.
My heart sank at the sight of it.
The pain and trauma that it is going through.

Through the ites and scratches he made,
i was certain that it wasnt as painful as he is feeling
So i sacrificed my hand from all the pain.
and unloosen his leg with the help of my maid.

I cuddled him there and then.
Almost tearing
for the suffering that i have seen.

Then you came out.
Checking out the commotion.
And u didnt even bother
to treat the cat.
Not even a word of sorry from you.

HOW BLOODY INHUMANE CAN YOU GET!
GOSH!

The first moment after so long..

2008-05-19T19:09:00.002+08:00

When i saw you my heart sank.
Part of me wanted to run to you and hug you.
Another part, wanted to hurt you.
But i sat there still,
being thankful of ure precense.

I came up to you
with a million things to talk.
But that was the first moment
that im speechless in life.

I said it all, all thats in me.
But i soon learnt that is was just no use.

So i let you go,
off with ure world.
And set my heart,
to never look back.
I've convinced myself
that ure not the one.
For the man who is worth my tears,
wont make me cry.
And then i proclaimed
this words out loud;
"Case closed!"
And on with life!

But moments later, you apologised.
I was shocked but i didnt care.
I told you that its the end
the end the end.
But you wanted time to think about it.
"Huh? What is there to think about?"i said
And you replied me with words that shattered my heart.
"I miss you too frankly."

I stared at the phone,
losing my grip
losing my stand
losing my whole.

"I've done all i could. And i feel that that was the last straw. I love you. I really do. But i dont want to raise my expectations already cos im badly hurt. So its up to you to make it work. Follow wad ure heart says."

And that was what i said.

I want you back.

~~~
I will not let go
of the promises i made.
Im not like your others
that manipulates.

To: Friend.

2008-05-16T14:38:00.003+08:00

To: Friend.

Once again,
I relive through this moment..

TWO SIDES
Im moving onto the rich green plains.
With my neck outstretched
away from the tormenting pain.
My limbs in sync
to the drum of my heart.
Enduring the pain
from the previous faux pas.

But when i turn,
i see new things.
I see the corrupted truth
of new corruption.
And I do also see
myself pining for that past.

From that moment i ask myself.
To return to that detrimental world
or remain progressing to the better domain.

And so i reconciled
through life's dismay;
hating the sweetest
and loving the worst.
But as i think it through
deep and hard,
One immense wave
hit me on the heart
and cause me to drown
in the BLINDing green waters of HATRED.
And leave me undecided
on the journey that awaites.

~~~

I will not let go.
Of the promises i made to you.
Im not like your others,
that manipulated you.
~~~

The second chapter..

2008-04-26T00:59:00.003+08:00

1 month ago,
i remember writing these words.

"Cause you are the heartbeat of my soul.
And you, you are the only one that made me whole"

And now, after two months of us being together,
it hurts me knowing that our relationship has turned sour.

But then again, just knowing the fact that you still love me,
motivates me to heal the wound.

I was thinking through the sweet moments of our time together..
and i was reminded by the sweetest things that u've ever done to me..

1) You Fold a straw heart for me.
2) Allow me to sleep on your lap at Esplanade.
3) Refuses to wake me up to answer my fone call as i was sleeping.
4) Chasing me around the pool just so that you can kiss me till u hurt yourself.
5) Protecting me against my friend's teases.
6) Kissing me 11 times on the 11th day of us being together.
7) Running all the way from maxwel to clarke quay just to meet me.
8) Accompanied me every night.

Even though school and work will bring us further apart, i hope you could put aside some time for me. We've gone through alot of things together, and ive fallen deeper and deeper in love with you.

I love you.

Happy 2 months=)

Muhammad Haziq

Im sorry darling..

2008-04-20T22:39:00.004+08:00

Dear Darling,
Im sorry for what i did;
For al the secrets that i hid.
Im sorry for the lies i told.;
I guess i wasn't as bold.

If i can change the past i would.
I will change the lies into truth.
I will change the lies into truth.
I will change the lies into truth.

Repetition is pattern,
and pattern is meaning.
I really hope that
you get what im saying.

For now i've confessed,
admitted
and proclaimed.
For now i'm left
with nothing
but pain.
For now i've hurt
the person
I love.
For now i'm moved
to aid
my love.

Now all i want is your forgiveness.
And all i want is your love in return.

Forgive me the way you adviced your friends.
Forgive me the way written on April 6th.

I know its difficult.
I know its hard.
I now its not easy,
not for the heart.

But as you have said
back in the past.
And as you have promised
that we will last.
I will keep on to mine,
as you've kept yours.
Thus, i will keep going
untill we devoured.

(Adapted by Goodbye My lover By James Blunt)
I've seen you cry. Ive seen you smile.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We have our doubts and our own minds.
And I Love You.
I can swear its true.
I cannot live without you.
I love you Darling.
I love you madly.
You have been the one for me.

One more chance is all i need
to prove my love and redeem my deeds.
So give me one more chanve to make it right
as i wont go on without you.

Darling, remember these words i said?
"Whatever that don't kill you make you a better person"
Now apply it into our relationship..
"Whatever that don't break us apart, makes the relationship stronger"
~~~~~
I remember the first moment
when i fell in love with you.
And i knew for certain
that you were my dream come true;
And ever since that moment
when my life is turned around,
I live everyday being
thankful for the love that i have found.

In a world that is full of doubts
one thing i know is true-
Whatever happened in the past,
I REALLY DO LOVE YOU.

With love,
Muhammad Haziq A. Rahim
180408

Hurt.

2008-04-14T01:07:00.004+08:00

To Love:

Indeed. You've hurt me. Truely, deeply, hurt me.

Ive admited to my share of fault. Now What else do you want?!

Here i am trying to savage our relationship, and there you are (indirectly) damaging it.

I know the camp has distanced us apart. But hey! Now that it is over, we should all the the more spend more time together to make up for the lost time.

But NO! You choose to spend time with your own self or maybe with sum other guys!

And you think wad?! You think i wont be jealous if you go out with someother guys?!

COME ON LA! I LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH CAN!

And the fact that you are soo protective over me gives me all the right to be the same to you.

One more thing i want to say..

I really think you've changed.

I know it.

I see it.

I can even feel it.
And i bet you know it too.

I just miss my old Love

The one who never hurt me

The one who puts me as his top priority

The one whom i claim, is the most romantic being i know

The one who dont mind me sleeping on the lap

The one who folds hearts for me
The one who love me

Its not over tonight

Just give me chance to make it right

I may not make it through the night

I wont go home without you

And i need you

And i miss you.

And now i wonder.

If i could fall into the sky.

Do you think time will pass me by

'Cos you know i'd walk a thousand miles

So that i can just see you.

So that i can just hold you

Tonight
~

I love you with all my heart. And i dont wish to lose you.

To: Love

2008-03-26T13:38:00.007+08:00

~Your Love Is All I Think About~

I, i dont know why i miss you so much.

I, i dont know why im missing your touch.

'Cause You, you are the heartbeat of my soul.

And you, you were the one that made me whole.

~~~~~

EmmHedge

Muhammad Haziq

26th March 2008

Mirror Mirror on the Screen..

2008-03-17T00:24:00.004+08:00

Like finalyy.. i motivated myself to type sumthing into this thingy.
I know its like.. damn dead.

But thats good; it means that there wont be many people reading through my blog.
Thus, im able to write in my most secrets of secrets, and my true feelings that has been encapsulated in my heart. But of course.. i do have to be discreet about some things as not all knows about it.

Anyway.. ive been through alot for the past few months ever since i really blogged(HAHAs!)
Ive met the best of people, And met the worst of them. But more importantly, i learn through them by exampling their pluss points and avoiding the bad ones. I know it might sound like a politically right answer but.. yeah.. i really do.

Im doing rather.. erm.. average for this academic term. But then, i know i did better this term cos my GPA has increased, and i am very proud of it! HOWEVER.. i've got to take one supp paper which is HTMkg! argh.!.

As for work wise.. i want a new job! badly! but i cant find any(that is suitable)! Last term.. there were like.. many many jobs that came to my doorstep but i was tooo ignorent to even look at them. But now.. im soo damn sick of McDonalds, that i want sumthing better badly! Mprepver, they schedule me only on weekends. So,i am damn free on weekdays! The Marina Club thingy no longer need me cos they are facing low occupancy rate in this period. I applied for a postion in underwater world. But i have yet to recieve a response; which means.. they dont need me.
I want money! I need money!
Out of desperation, i applied for another position at Popeye's Restaurant as they are paying $5/hr!

Hmm.. as for my love life... I broke up with that Briyanii kid two weeks after we were attatched. But seriously.. hahas.. i wont even call it as a relationship la. She is one person, who i think, is a waste to the earth's natural resources and is definitely not worth looking at. She has a brain of a 5 year-old and a Heart of a toddler. NO WAIT! I think a 5 year-old can differentiate between wads right and wad is wrong. But too bad.. She cant!

Now.. im happily attatched with someone for about 3 weeks.
She is a woman of perfection(close, but not there yet) (hahas!).
She is the first one, who have captured my heart and soul.
When i try to think what really is the thing that made me love her soo damn much..
I cant answer it. I just cant. I have no perfect answer for it.
This shows that my love for her is unconditional.

I would love to go on, and talk more about her..
But i shall refrain from doing so because..

I really dont know, what am I to HER.

With love,
EmmHedge

To: Love

2008-03-05T19:00:00.002+08:00

A message for my love..

In the draft of my HP.

Im sorry.

I love you.
<3

WOW!

2007-12-26T01:32:00.000+08:00

WOW!

I Think i just remembered that i do have a blog!

hahahas. WTH!

Anyways.. MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!

i'll update more soooon.. hahas

(im sorry i broke my promise previously)